Jesus and the Woman at the Well: Finding Acceptance in Christ

Ellen Krause:
Welcome back to the Coffee and Bible Time Podcast. I’m Ellen, your host, and today joining me is my daughter, Taylor, from Coffee and Bible Time. Welcome.

Taylor Mitchell:
So glad to be here. We’re gonna have a lot of fun and dig deep together today.

Ellen Krause:
Yes, I’m so excited to have you here. Today we are talking about the human need to be seen, heard, and accepted, something that really goes into our core being. Would you not agree?

Taylor Mitchell:
I would completely agree. Absolutely. Through every season of my life, in one way or another, in one form or another, I have felt the desire to be seen and accepted. And when I don’t feel accepted or seen, there is a lot of, you know, mental hurt and anguish and sadness. And yeah, that’s why I’m excited to talk about this, because I can relate in a lot of ways, even me now, you know, moving to a new place.

I have that need for being accepted and seen really bubbling up all over again.

Ellen Krause:
And it’s not just exclusive to a few people. This is arguably, the need to belong is a fundamental human motivation that scientists say is wired into us. And furthermore, neuroscientists found that social rejection activates brain regions associated with physical pain. Like your brain is basically saying, “Ouch, that unfollow hurt,” which so many people can relate to.

Taylor Mitchell:
Yeah, I was gonna say it’s validating to hear that because I think a lot of people that do go through, you know, loneliness or feelings of rejection, it’s a silent pain that you don’t always talk about because maybe you don’t want to sound awkward or whatever telling people you feel lonely, because that’s really vulnerable, right?

So it’s something that you walk through silently, hurting. Truly, like they said, it hurts that part of your brain. It’s like a physical thing that you feel on the inside.

Ellen Krause:
Yes.

And Pew Research actually supported that by saying that 16% of Americans say they feel lonely or isolated all or most of the time, which I think is so heartbreaking. And 38% say they feel lonely sometimes. So it’s definitely very prevalent, and it’s even becoming more and more prevalent in our youth.

And I love that we can talk about this in the context of what Jesus can do as it relates to that. And we’re gonna talk about Jesus and the woman from Samaria, which comes from John chapter four, verses one through 42, which we’re not gonna read that entire passage.

But let’s start with just a little bit of some background.

Jesus is traveling and stops at Jacob’s well in Samaria. It’s the middle of the day, and a Samaritan woman comes to draw water. And the detail of midday really matters because women normally drew water early in the day or later when it was cooler, where you’d run into people, where they could see one another and have conversation. But she’s coming there alone.

So that is hinting that she might be trying to avoid something. There’s something going on where she’s not wanting to see people.

And I know that that can actually be relatable too. Sometimes we don’t wanna see people, but this is different. So Jesus does something very shocking. He speaks to her. He is a different ethnicity, from a different religious background, a different social status. And quite frankly, men just didn’t strike up conversations like that with women in public, especially a Samaritan woman.

Taylor Mitchell:
I think that going through that context really kind of brings the story from black and white to color if you didn’t know those things. Because these cultural context things that you just said paint the bigger picture that Jesus was willing to push through a lot of social boundaries in order to get to her heart.

In order to meet her where she’s at, in order to really show her he sees her, that there’s nothing, you know, no boundary that really could stand in the way between him reaching her. Not to foreshadow, but does this apply to our lives in that same regard, that Jesus would break through every boundary to reach you and see you? Yes, absolutely. So thanks for that context.

Ellen Krause:
Hmm, absolutely. Well, I’m gonna share just a little bit more. So Jesus starts with, “Will you give me a drink?” And I love this because Jesus already knows everything about her. He could have just gotten right to the core of what he knows about her, but he doesn’t. He’s very human. He’s gentle. He’s kind.

So already he is showing her that he sees her. And he knows that this woman has a story. He doesn’t ignore her or rush her. He doesn’t treat her like a project.

So what is he doing here?

He is entering into her story, would you say? He’s opening the door for that conversation to begin, where not only does he see her, but now he hears her. Jesus lets her talk, and she asks questions. She pushes back on some things. She tries to change the subject.

Taylor:
Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I’m curious, for those of our listeners that don’t know, what is the tidbit that we get from John about her story?

Ellen Krause:
So this is what Jesus does end up sharing with her. He knows why she is at that well midday, because she is carrying with her the shame of past relationships that have gone bad. She’s had multiple husbands and is with someone new again. And so she knows what she has done.

Taylor Mitchell:
And he is… I think it’s shocking and it’s striking to see Jesus just saying it how it is.

And when you read that passage, I think it’s so important to remember the heart of God, why he does get the root of whatever we’re going through, or why he wants us to know that he sees everything, right? It’s not because he’s mean and nasty and cruel and wants to make you feel bad constantly, all the time, for all the ways that the plans in your life have gone awry or maybe the ways that you haven’t followed him.

Those self-reflection moments and those moments where he convicts you, or he wants you to see things for the way that they are, are moments to connect with him. And really what’s so important with Jesus, and for us as Christians, is to connect with him knowing he is your Savior. He is the one that can right all of our wrongs.

We can’t be perfect. He knows that. So when we know that Jesus knows that we can’t be perfect and he came for us, that opens the door for us to be honest about the areas of our life that have gone awry and to not feel as much shame about it, because Jesus wants to have those conversations with us and bring healing instead of shame.

So I think in this moment it is shocking. That’s like, Jesus really is getting to the heart of the matter here. He knows why she’s feeling alone and why she’s feeling shame and all these things. But he’s inviting a relationship when it comes to addressing our sins and new life that comes on the other side of that.

Ellen Krause:
Right, right. He’s not ignoring her story. He’s not condemning her.

But he’s not glossing over the hard truths either, right? He is basically telling her what he knows and how she needs to change. And one of my favorite lines in this story is when, after Jesus has told her all of these things, this woman who is of shame runs back to the town.

She actually leaves her jar of water there and runs back to the town and tells people about Jesus. And that was kind of a big moment for her as well.

Taylor Mitchell:
Yeah, because you see the dichotomy of somebody who initially goes out of their way to be alone from somebody that then goes out of their way to be seen, to have people really see you, right?

I mean, there’s, I’m sure, a lot of people that were not a fan of Jesus, and here she is proclaiming that she just met Jesus and had this encounter with him. People are going to be more than curious about her, and I’m sure people did look at her a certain way if they knew her story, what Jesus said that is quote unquote shameful.

Ellen Krause:
Right. And the fact that she goes back into town and tells the other people, “He told me all that I ever did,” and she was able to say that knowing that she had been cleansed from that shame.

Taylor Mitchell:
Right. She spoke that from a place of not shame anymore, right? She’s speaking that from a place of confidence in Christ and who he is.

Ellen Krause:
Right? And recognizing that he was indeed the Savior of the world. And that was something that she was already willing to evangelize, to get out there, to make that known.

She wanted everybody to experience what she had experienced, the fact that Jesus saw her, listened to her. He accepted her without condemning her and forgave her and encouraged her to walk in a new way.

Taylor Mitchell:
Right? And I think also we see Jesus and how he works and operates with sinners, with all of us, is that he allows us to be fully known, right? The good, the bad, the ugly.

When we confess our sins and we say, “Lord, we want you to be the Savior of our heart. We want to walk with you. We know that we need to abide with you because we can’t ever be perfect on our own,” Christ wants to continue to walk with you, never reject you.

When you say that you want to accept Jesus as your Savior, it doesn’t matter if you sin one day, okay? The Lord knows that you are a sinner, okay? That’s why Jesus died, right?

So as a Christian, we can walk freely knowing he will not reject you, right? There might be some of you that are listening to this right now and you’re thinking, “Well, if you only knew what I did,” you know, like maybe I, yeah, I accepted Christ, but if you only knew what I did, then you would understand that I’m too far gone. And that’s just not the case.

That’s the lies of the enemy, would you say, Ellen?

Ellen Krause:
Yes, and you know, there might be people in your spheres of influence that have rejected you based on what you have done in the past. And that’s the beautiful thing about Christ, that he accepts you the way you are.

Taylor Mitchell:
Right? With the piece that you were saying earlier, like, we shouldn’t tolerate sin, you know? We should look clearly at the things in our lives that we have done wrong. We see that even in the story.

Jesus will point out the areas of your life you should repent from and turn from, but he doesn’t reject you when he does that. And I think that that is, like you said, Ellen, something that can be sad and can be difficult.

And maybe some of you guys are resonating with this, of even having Christians in your life that maybe have rejected you completely because of something that you’ve done, even though you want to repent or you want to turn from that.

And knowing that the Lord sees you, he sees your heart, and that has been really striking to me lately. It is a profound truth that God sees your heart.

And in one way, it’s extremely encouraging because if you are rejected by the world, your friends, people, this or that, because of what they think they know about you, but it’s not true in your heart, God sees your heart, and that’s what matters most.

And then on the other side, I think that there should be some healthy fear and reverence to the Lord of knowing that he does see our heart.

Ellen Krause:
Yes.

Taylor Mitchell:
If we are presenting ourselves to be one way in public and it’s just not true, or there’s a lack of integrity, he sees our heart in that too. And again, wants to have those conversations with us where he’s not leaving any stone unturned, but not rejecting you in that when he shows you the areas of your life that he wants to refine you in.

Ellen Krause:
Absolutely. It’s that acceptance from him that leads to transformation—that the Holy Spirit is working inside you, helping you to recognize your areas where you do need to ask for forgiveness. But he also is there to help equip you to make better decisions, to live a life that is more like Jesus.

And I think that is the sanctification process, and it’s a slow one. It’s one where you take a step forward and a half step back, and there are going to be ebbs and flows to that. But I love that if you are in a prayerful and loving relationship with Christ, that’s something that you can wrestle with, share with him, and be open in your prayer life to input.

I mean, it’s like the apostle Paul, who said, “I do all these things that I don’t want to do.” So it’s an overall human struggle. But Christ, knowing that Christ sees, hears, and accepts us, gives us that step.

Taylor Mitchell:
Right.

Ellen Krause:
That leg up to want to accept the Spirit’s help in the process of transformation.

Taylor Mitchell:
Yes, amen.

Ellen Krause:
Taylor, if you were going to encourage someone who maybe right now is struggling with validation instead of resting in Christ, what advice would you give them?

Taylor Mitchell:
That’s a great question. And you know what? I resonate with that. And I think there’s a big part of me that is a people pleaser, and a big part of me that struggles with wanting to be liked and validated by people.

I feel like God has actually been really teaching me in this season of my life to, in a healthy way, tune out the voices of the world, tune out the voices of the people around me in a healthy way—not to avoid things I need to hear, but to tune into the Holy Spirit.

When I hear from God in his Word, that needs to be absolutely number one, top priority for me: to care about what God says.

Number one, my encouragement to you listening to this—if you’re wrestling with wanting to feel accepted by people around you, and maybe you don’t feel seen—let me tell you, I relate to that. I just moved to a new place. I’m a part of a new church. And there’s a big part of me that’s craving to feel seen in an authentic, genuine way.

I’ve had to really try to have patience, lean on the Lord, rely on Him, and trust Him that He will bring the right people into my life at the right time. All He calls me, all He calls you to do is to follow Him faithfully. He will provide the rest. He is your provider.

What you can do in this season of waiting to be seen or validated or have genuine, true friendships is to look faithfully to God and to just seek Him above all things.

I’ve said this before, but one of my favorite quotes—I’m not trying to butcher it, I don’t have it memorized word-for-word—but generally, by John Piper: He talks about our purpose for our lives, why God created us, is to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever.

Isn’t that amazing just to think? A big part about our purpose here on earth is to enjoy God, to enjoy His presence. How many of us don’t tap into that, right?

And actually, this will be the last thing I say because I know I’m rambling and going around to a billion different subjects—a member of our community, Ashley—shout out to you, Ashley. She was talking to us in our community Bible study—we meet every Thursday live. Alan, Ashley, and I teach. Right now, we are going to be going through our Gospel of John book that we just came out with. We’ll have it linked down below. That’s what this podcast is inspired by, actually.

She talked about how she heard from someone that 1% of your day is 14 minutes. Fourteen minutes is just 1% of a 24-hour period to actually feel encouraged.

You have 14 minutes that you can spend with the Lord. And that is, I mean, it’s like, wow. How many of us spend consistently 14 minutes with the Lord? We need to hear that as a challenge, but also as encouragement: you can spend 14 minutes with the Lord and hear from Him.

The more that you delight yourself in God, the more you focus on God and not yourself, the more you focus on just adoring Him, I think the less the need to be liked and validated and seen becomes. Not that it’ll ever go away—because we should be in community, and it is okay to want to feel accepted. That’s absolutely normal and awesome.

But the unhealthy extremes of it—the craving, the needing the validation from others—the more you focus on the Lord and how much He can fill your cup like no one else does, the better place you will be in, truly.

Ellen Krause:
You know, today I was thinking about a ladder, with man down at the bottom and God being at the top, and thinking about stepping up the rungs of that ladder in the sense of, is my fear of God greater than my fear of man?

Just this process of stepping more towards my fear of God than the validation that I feel like I need from people—and the power that comes from being truly accepted by God, the Creator of our universe, the person that knows the number of hairs on your head, who loves you more than anybody else possibly could—that is something infinitely exciting.

Taylor Mitchell:
Mm-hmm. And it does take steps of faith to move towards God, move towards your fear of God, and move towards contentment in the Lord.

It takes a level of being self-sacrificial to lay down the idol sometimes of validation and self, focusing on our anxieties of being accepted, and moving closer towards trusting that it is enough that we have a relationship with the Lord, and that he will provide.

You know, I’m in a new area, and a lot of my closer friends are not near me, and I don’t really have any amazingly close relationships here where I feel seen. You know, that friendship cup isn’t always full. But I can tell you that I know that I can meet with my Creator every day. I know that I can spend time in His Word.

Ellen Krause:
Your Jesus cup is full. Your friend cup might not be, but your Jesus cup is.

Taylor Mitchell:

Yes. And my encouragement for anyone listening to this is your Jesus cup can be full too. I know that sounds cheesy, but that really is what matters, okay? That the Lord is first, and those desires God will provide in His timing. I truly do believe that He is over everything.

He’s over friendships that we have been praying for for a long time. He’s over that. And to just trust: He sees you. He sees your every hurt. He sees your every need. He’s inviting you to come alongside Him on the sanctification journey.

Yes, He may be calling out areas of our life that need refinement, but He won’t reject you in that. So if you are also fearing, like, “Man, I’ve just… I’ve done so many things in my life that I feel like there’s a blockade between me and Jesus,” that is, I promise you, Jesus died to be close to you.

Ellen Krause:
Absolutely. And the living water that He offers, that is filling that Jesus cup—that is what truly satisfies. So let’s leave you all with that thought in mind: put your trust in Him and in Him alone.

Taylor, thank you so much for joining us today on the podcast.

We would be so appreciative if you would share this podcast with someone who you really feel needs to hear this message, that you want them to feel seen, heard, and accepted. Would you just go ahead and forward this to them today? That would be so awesome.

So thank you so much for joining us on the Coffee and Bible Time podcast. Bless you, and have a wonderful day.