About this episode:
Dating as a Christian can be exhausting—especially when you’ve done everything “right,” but are still waiting on prayers that seem to have gone unheard.
Christian Bevere joins Ellen to talk honestly about dating as a Christian with prayer, peace, and discernment. They explore how to wait actively without idolizing marriage, how prayer shapes you in singleness, and how to seek God’s will in relationships without fear or striving.
Whether you’re feeling hopeful, weary, or somewhere in between, this episode will remind you that your life isn’t on hold, and God is still at work.
TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 “I Got to a Point of Desperation”
03:29 Personal Journey of Future Husband Prayers
06:44 Prayers That Shape You
11:41 Avoiding Idolization of Marriage
14:57 Active vs. Passive Waiting
18:47 Navigating Dating as a Christian
22:58 How Do I Know If I’m Settling?
26:51 Encouragement for the Discouraged
31:13 Christian’s Favorite Bible Study Tools
Ellen Krause: Welcome back to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast. I’m Ellen, your host, and I’m so glad that you have joined us.
If you’ve spent any time in the church as a single woman, you’ve probably heard a lot of well-intended encouragement about waiting. Words like, “God’s timing is perfect,” or “Just trust Him,” or “It’ll happen when you least expect it.” And while those statements are true, they don’t always help.
For many women, the struggle isn’t a lack of faith or effort. It’s the confusion that comes with doing all the right things and still wondering what to do with the desire for marriage that hasn’t gone away. And if that resonates with you, I want you to know you’re not broken, you’re not faithless, and you’re not behind.
Here’s the topic we’re exploring today: prayer in singleness was never meant to guarantee marriage. It was always meant to shape you.
Today, I’m joined by Christian Bevere, a creative communicator, author, and the host of the Dear Future Husband podcast. Christian Bevere is known for her honest, grounded conversations about faith, identity, and relationships—conversations that don’t rush past pain or offer shallow answers. She’s the author of multiple and she brings both compassion and clarity to one of the most tender topics in the church.
In this episode, we’re gonna walk through the need for prayer in singleness. We’ll learn what active waiting looks like and how to date with discernment, all while staying anchored in faith without idolizing marriage.
Christian, welcome to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast!
Christian Bevere: Hello, Ellen. It’s so good to be with you today. Thank you for having me and talking about this multifaceted subject.
Ellen Krause: Absolutely. And while I have two daughters that did, in their own time, go through periods of singleness, I still have a single son. And everything that I was learning about you talking about singleness, I had an immediate text to him saying, “My goodness, you need to read this prayer book…in reverse.”
Tell us, when did praying for your future husband stop being a concept and just really start being deeply personal for you?
Christian Bevere: It was when I got really desperate—not desperate for marriage. I feel like I was kind of always that way, being in the Bible Belt in the South, knowing I wanted, you know, the desire to have a godly relationship.
But I became desperate when I felt like everything I was trying to do, either in my own strength or in the right Christian way, just wasn’t working. And I think there’s a lot of reasons why people arrive at that place of either, you know, own heart problems where dating just isn’t going the right way, or just the confusion.
I believe we’re in the most confusing, isolated period of dating that we really ever have been. And so I got to this point of desperation where I was like, “Lord, this isn’t going the way it should be. Some of the things I’m doing right are just not working. Either bad theology, bad practice, or I have some things in my heart that are causing me to hit these roadblocks. And I really just need you to guide me through this. Like, I have complete blinders on. I need you to step in and, you know, partner with me in this.”
And it just came to this place where faith really had to be magnified. And I think there were so many times where, as a Christian woman wanting a godly marriage, I said, “Yeah, I’m praying for my future marriage. I want godly wisdom in that,” but it was more of a touch point rather than a practice and a rhythm.
And I think that’s because a lot of us know we want to partner with the Lord in things that we want to come about, but we don’t want to become obsessed. We don’t want to be selfish. We don’t want to assume that God has that for us.
But I think all of those mindsets—even if wrapped with good intentions and some good things to be aware of—can get in the place of faith. And so that’s what I want to encourage people: let’s approach this desire with faith.
And I think when we do that, of course, with a pure heart and good motives and good wisdom and counsel around us, we come in with complete faith. And the Lord can say, “Hey, I want to direct you here. I want to highlight on this. I want to heal this first.”
But why wouldn’t we bring something as important as marriage into a rhythm that we invite the Lord into, even while we’re single and wondering, “How on earth is that guy going to find me in my small town?” or after this and that?
Like, let’s infuse faith into the process early on.
Ellen Krause: And I love how you have just documented, you know, your whole experience into sort of a neat package here that can now be used to help and encourage other people through this process of praying for a future relationship.
Tell us how prayer actually shaped you, not just your future relationship.
Christian Bevere: Yeah, like I mentioned, some of those heart problems I think I was minusculely aware of. But as I actually opened myself up to, “Lord, search me, know me, show me what my habits may be, my tendencies, the parts of my heart that I’m overlooking and actually trying to use a relationship to heal rather than let you heal for my coming relationship.”
So there was a lot of heart work. It wasn’t just the soft prayer of, “Lord, bring him,” and He did. It was intentionality. There was preparation on my own heart of, “How do I prepare to be a future wife? What do I believe about marriage? What do I look for in a spouse? What do I believe that marriage will bring to me rather than what I can bring to it?”
And so reversing that—flipping it on its head.
But then I also think there was something just about the idea of dependency on the Lord and faith that the Lord established in me in that season that has set me up for how to walk in faith through other seasons of waiting, because waiting never stops.
I wish I could say as soon as you get married, you never go through a waiting season again, but it happens. It can be your career, to have children, even just waiting on the day that the Lord comes back, right? Waiting is a part of the Christian experience.
And He just began to infuse what faith looked like for me. How do I bring requests to Him? How do I actually lay those down at His feet but still contend for them daily?
I feel like a lot of things that I walked through, I held with a closed fist. And so I had to learn how do I have this open-handed—where I’m still holding it, but I’m letting God do what He wants to do in the framework.
So He definitely taught me things about myself, taught me ways how to love better. He showed me things to pray into for my future spouse. I began to intercede on his behalf, even in ways that I thought, “Does this make any sense? Like, why am I praying so intensely this month?”
And then after I did get married, I went back as my husband went through his husband’s Bible, because I gave it to him on our wedding day. He didn’t know about it beforehand. But as he was going through, he looked at dates and said, “Man, that was a season that I was going through this really tough thing.”
And so I believe the Lord just infused power and breakthrough in so many ways through those prayers.
Ellen Krause: That’s incredible. Was there a time within the church that you had to unlearn sort of a preconceived idea of marriage or singleness that you had?
Christian Bevere: Definitely. In so many ways, I can see what I believed marriage was and wasn’t, and then what the route to finding your person was.
I had a completely well-intended leader in the church say, “Just find someone that loves Jesus and is cute, and marriage will work out.” I was like, “Great, I can do that. There’s thousands of people here. No problem.”
But while I appreciate the simplicity he was trying to instill, I do feel like, of course, we have free will, but when we ask for the Lord to guide us, there is a delight and a uniqueness and a mystery that He helps us unravel.
He’s not going to lead us to just something that will work. He’ll lead us to a partnership that will glorify Him, that will strengthen us.
And so I had to kind of unlearn, okay, my friends are meeting the cute guy that loves the Lord, but I’m not feeling that peace. I’m not feeling that connection. It hasn’t worked out when I’ve done it that way.
So maybe I need to unlearn what, honestly, to me was a comfort of like, “I can just fix this thing that I want to work through. There’s a simple solution.”
I believe it should be simple. It’s not always easy to date. It should be simple, but it still should be wisdom-infused. It’s unique to everyone, right?
As much as I love sharing dating advice and testimonies, there is no one-size-fits-all formula. So there has to be—I have to rely on the Lord. I have to maybe sort through some things and get my hopes up and then it doesn’t go through.
You know, for guys, a lot of them say, “I have to put my heart out there to maybe get rejected when I ask a girl on a date.” But I believe all of that is worth it to finding that person that is going to be your partner, that is going to be your helpmate and strengthen you.
You know, other things that could go on—I thought if you had any fight in marriage that you were going to get a divorce. And now I’m in an Italian family who are very passionate but also committed to doing things together.
So, you know, a lot of that was just a brief overview of how do I get to marriage rather than what can I learn and unlearn intentionally, you know, about relationships and about the marriage that You have for me, God.
Ellen Krause: Absolutely. You know, I think when I look back at my own situation compared to other friends that I had at the time, I was a little bit later in getting married. And then we were later in having kids.
And I remember sort of feeling this pressure of everybody else is getting married. Everybody else is already having kids. How can women avoid sort of idolizing marriage or just becoming consumed for that spouse while still praying for their future husband?
Christian Bevere: Yeah, it’s kind of intrinsic, and it’s not just easy to brush over because it is a deep desire. And it is something where I know I can’t figure this out on my own as much as I want to control a situation.
There is very little I can control in the timelines of, you know, “I want to have children by this time.” There’s a funny scene I think of one time—I don’t watch the show Friends—but I’ve seen a clip where she’s like, “Okay, if I want to have children by 35, then I have to meet my husband by this age, and so we have to get engaged.”
And it can feel like that, because women are really great visionaries and planners of, you know, “This is when it makes sense to do this, and these are the passions on my heart.”
And so I think in some ways the Lord delights in that innate nature of us to love others, to do beautiful things, to create beauty wherever we go.
And so the hard tension point—and I like to call this active waiting in the book—is to keep planning and contending, but to not hold the timelines and the boundaries too tightly.
Because whenever we move past that timeline, then we can feel like, “I’m going to abandon that desire.” And I don’t want any woman to think, “Well, I can’t pray into this, but I’m also going to stop praying for it if it doesn’t happen.”
Because I believe if marriage is for you, if motherhood is for you, if friendships are for you, I want you to walk into that full of faith and full of believing, even when it hasn’t happened yet.
Hebrews 11 talks about faith being the confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Like, maybe we can see it in our mind’s eye of, “It’s gonna happen this way and it’s gonna happen at this time. He’s gonna propose this way. I’ve planned it on my Pinterest board.”
That was so me at 21, thinking I’ve graduated college and he didn’t propose—what on earth am I gonna do? All my plans are messed up, which seems so silly now that I’m in my 30s, thinking, man, there is still so much time and there’s so much that the Lord can do.
And so without becoming obsessed with the timeline, I think that helps us stay focused on the idea rather than the ideal.
So holding things loosely, which is easier said than done, I know, but praying into, one, the nature of God, not just His answers. So, “Lord, I trust that You will lead me to the right partnership,” rather than, “I trust You’ll give me my husband by Valentine’s Day,” whatever it is.
So just those little shifts, I think, can keep us in the place of contending with a contentedness that isn’t stagnant or has an expiration date on it.
Ellen Krause: Thank you for elaborating on that. You know, I’m thinking of a couple in our family. It’s actually my husband’s uncle, who didn’t get married until his 40s. But when he did, he absolutely found the love of his life. They had an incredible, beautiful marriage, sharing so many things in life.
That’s always stayed with me, just in the sense that God provided according to His timing. And when He did, it was just so beautiful.
Well, we talk about active waiting versus passive waiting. Tell us what the difference is and how do we know which one you’re living in?
Christian Bevere: Yeah, I think of the parable of how we steward things. When the master comes and he gives his servants, “I give you this much—what are you going to do with it? Are you going to invest it? Are you going to sit on it?”
And to me, that’s the same with our opportunity to pray. Are we going to lift one prayer and then hold it really tight and kind of bury it down because we think, “What if I am vulnerable and expose this or keep contending and it doesn’t happen?” rather than, “How can I pour into this to invest in it and multiply?”
And we see in the parable that the master comes back and he says, “Well done” for investing, “Well done” for doing something with this.
And so I think for women that hold that desire and it hasn’t happened yet, I know that feels like this vulnerable seed of, “I don’t really want to expose this because what if I say I’m praying for my husband, believing he’ll come, and he doesn’t, and I look like the crazy lady and I feel like a spinster?”
You know, we put all these labels on ourselves, and we think, “Well, what if it doesn’t happen?”
And one is friends, especially married friends. I think we can do a good job of coming alongside those people and say, “Hey, let me pray with you.” You know, “I’m not going to look down on you if it doesn’t happen. I’m not going to say, ‘Well, maybe just don’t pray for that right now.’”
There is contending that happens over multiple times. Like your friend that’s praying for children—we don’t necessarily go to them and say, “Well, maybe you just shouldn’t pray.” We contend with them. We pray for them. We sit with them. We listen.
And so I want to be a married friend that does the same thing with my single friends. I want to keep believing too and not discourage her from praying.
And so I think that’s a really powerful shift—doing that in our communities.
Even having single and married friend dynamics, there’s a lot of division. Not necessarily tension division, but just separation. Like, “Okay, well, I have my single friends because they get it. They understand.”
I think if I would have been around more married friends when I was single, I probably would have learned some lessons a little easier. They could have given me sound advice.
And now that I’m married, I can enjoy some things of my single friends. If they have this energy and vibrancy in areas where I might not have that investment.
So I think some of those are really key.
Then active waiting is prayer. Active waiting says, “I’m going to keep bringing this. I’m going to keep pouring into it.”
I like to say in the book, “Don’t sit on praying hands.” Don’t just twiddle our thumbs. Let’s be rejoicing. Let’s be lifting that up.
Because when I think of Hannah and her example, it’s estimated she waited and prayed for 13 years to have Samuel, to have her son. And what I’m so encouraged by is that the Bible says the Lord remembered her prayers.
So not one was going unheard. The Lord heard every single one of them. And there was this beautiful symphony of her crying out that the Lord came and blessed her womb—not just for one son, but for multiple children thereafter.
And for her, she was probably years older than her friends. She was in the later stage of diapers when her friends were in the teenage years.
And so it’s tough soil sometimes to wade through. “Well, this is going to look different than I thought.”
But I’m going to stay active, because it’s not going somewhere.
You know, if the Lord tells you, “Hey, I do want you to put this down for a season. Maybe there’s a dream on your heart I want you to sow into,” that activity of staying present is just such a beautiful thing.
When I look back—like capturing my prayers in my husband’s journal—even though those felt unanswered at the time, now I look back and think, “Wow, all of those were doing something.”
And I see facets of my husband in my marriage in those. While at the time they felt maybe powerless or stagnant, they were active and they were creating something.
Ellen Krause: Absolutely. I love how God invites us into that process with Him to communicate through prayer. It’s such an intimate expression of His love for us.
Well, let’s talk a little bit about navigating dating, because there are people listening here that are in that spot right now. You talk about learning to ask hard questions while you’re dating. What are some of those questions, and why do you think so many couples avoid asking them?
Christian Bevere: I would ask questions and make this fluid to who you are and how you ask—your personality—but ask questions around their family and their community.
You don’t have to say, like, “How close are you to your mother?” or “How many friends do you have?” It doesn’t have to be hard-pressed, but, “Tell me about your friends. What do you guys do together that you really enjoy?” “What’s a favorite memory from your childhood?” Things like that that get them to open up and share, especially in the first few dates.
If you see things in those answers that are maybe yellow flags, maybe press a little harder if you go on a next date. Like, “I don’t really have a lot of friends, so I just kind of do this. I play video games at home.” Maybe press more. Why not? Are you new to somewhere? Are you still meeting people, or are you a loner?
Give them some grace as you ask questions, but make sure they have community, especially godly community. Make sure that they have a connection and reverence with their family. Ask them about their faith, their passions, things like that, so you can see essentially—I just want women to get this picture of who they’re going out with. Not just the kind words he can say, but actually start to put some puzzle pieces together.
Okay, this is something that’s important to him. He loves going out in nature. He loves to work hard, but he also has these other passion projects. You just want to start to have like a mosaic the more dates you go on, rather than this ideal. And then you work back and realize, “Okay, it wasn’t what I thought.”
You want to be able to create this understanding of the vision he has for his life. So I asked my husband a lot of variations of those questions, and some even on our first date. He would share some things when we were talking about faith—things he wanted to establish in ministry.
He gave an example, which was something that I felt the Lord put on my heart maybe two months before I met him. And it was my phone background. And he saw it and he was like, “Wait, is that—” it was the church at Antioch. And he was like, “How did you even hear about that?”
And I was like, “I never heard about it in church. It was something the Lord pressed me to. I have a photo of the ruins.” Just, you know, really interesting things like that.
If I had just said, “Do you love the Lord?” and he’s like, “Yeah.” “Okay, let’s go have fun,” you know, we can miss some of those hidden, really specific things.
I just hope we can actually have space to ask questions to get to know someone, but also let them get excited. See the way they share. See what really lights up their heart. So you can know, “Wow, this is an area he’s really passionate about. This is something we’re aligned in. These are maybe some God winks that are really incredible that only the Lord can do,” and maybe as a sign that we’re on the right path.
Ellen Krause: Hmm, I love those questions. Those really are so critical to jumping in and figuring out who they are.
Well, so let’s take this relationship then, where someone’s at the point of discerning whether, you know, this is the one or not the one. How would you advise them to discern the difference between settling out of fear versus giving someone a genuine chance?
Christian Bevere: Yeah, that’s a big hard pill-to-swallow, gulp moment. It’s a big decision.
And I would hope anyone in that part of actually asking themselves and wondering has done the dating evaluation well. Are we equally yoked? Do we have a shared value system? Do I really know this person? Have we asked some of the harder questions about where we live, how much time we’ll spend with family?
I think some of those engagement-type questions should be asked before the engagement—like family dynamic, place to live, things that are not necessarily deal breakers, but they are indicative of your connection and your vision, at least for the near future.
Sometimes if we wait to ask those until we’re engaged, the love haze can guide our answers. So asking those earlier, bringing in key wisdom and advice from people—not just your own—is important.
I’m sure whoever’s listening and is in that evaluation stage is wise. You’re using scripture. You’re praying about this relationship. But it doesn’t hurt to have solid, godly advice from others that you trust.
Then also just pray into it. I feel like peace is one of those things where we can talk around it. Like, “I think I have peace,” but when you know, you know. When it comes to relationship, that really is a testing of peace.
So I would advise anyone to start praying into it. Like, “Lord, give me peace about this career decision. Lord, give me peace about how to spend my weekends.” Begin developing that trust system of hearing His voice and discerning what His green lights and yellow or red lights are.
So when it comes to the really big decisions, you have a more intrinsic knowing. Even if you’re going on dates, like, “Lord, should I go on a date with this person?” and He’s going, “No.” And you’re like, “Maybe—I think He said maybe.”
Have that really clear knowing. And that’s something that is unique to you and the Lord. You really need to draw near to Him to understand the Holy Spirit’s promptings. You need to invite Him into the everyday of your life, not just the big decisions.
And I think there’s a real value system and clarity that comes when we do that.
And then also just knowing there’s blessing in the choice. Sometimes we maybe go the other route of, “Lord, you have to get an airplane to write yes in the sky to give me clarity,” because I’m so scared of marriage.
A lot of people may say, “I’ve never seen marriage modeled. My parents aren’t together,” or they had a really tough marriage. And so maybe sometimes fear is on the other side of God giving you peace.
You do have wisdom around you, but you’re scared to say yes. There is blessing in the choice. When two people love and fear the Lord and come together with a vision and a commitment to honor Him—as the verse says, a cord of three strands is not easily broken—there is a grace that comes on marriage.
That’s why we see that couples that just cohabitate and date and call it partnership and aren’t married are 60% more likely to split up within the first few years. But when you actually go into a marriage, I believe there is a grace that God gives us for unity and for connection, because it’s in His blessing.
So there’s blessing in the choice. You can trust that. And you can trust God when you are asking for His voice and His vision in your marriage.
Ellen Krause: Absolutely. I love that idea of peace, because I can remember just really having peace when my husband and I got engaged. It was God’s peace that just came over me. I never doubted because of that. I think that was so encouraging to me.
Well, as we start to wrap things up here, what would you say to the person who’s listening and just discouraged right now about this whole dating process and finding the one for them?
Christian Bevere: I would definitely say that you are not alone. Though the days that you feel like everyone else has found their person or has had an easier time, there’s so much more layered beneath than we just see on a day-to-day basis.
So maybe you’re carrying that hurt, wondering, “What do I do with this?” because I feel like I’m the only one. I can guarantee you, you’re not. I can guarantee you the Lord wants to meet you in that, and that nothing is in vain.
James 1:17 says every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. So He’s not going to miss you. He’s not going to think, “I forgot about Cynthia. She’s been praying. I’ve just been so busy.”
He gives those perfect gifts in His timing. And the Lord delights in marriage. He uses marriage as this reference for how He loves us. And so there is very much a beauty in that desire.
So I would encourage that woman: keep this desire and keep it pure. Don’t let your heart give way to doubt or discouragement.
Do like David did. I love going to Psalms anytime I’m feeling angry or anxious, because he just comes out so vulnerably. Like, “Lord, I feel this way. I want to break something.” But as he’s worshiping God, the Lord inhabits his praises and rewrites a system. He speaks to his soul.
He comes out saying, “Lord, You’re amazing. I love You. You’re the best. I trust You.”
To me, there’s something there of the vulnerability and realness that can be shifted when it’s brought to the Lord rather than feeling like you have to be the strong woman, pretend you’re okay, or smile when someone asks, “Why are you still single?”
Do like Hannah did. Go take those right to prayer. Do what David did. Go rework your nervous system, your emotional system, through prayer. Those are very valid feelings.
But left to our own devices, the enemy wants to come in and thwart that area. I do believe marriage is a gift. I do believe it’s a beautiful entrustment. And unless the Lord tells you He wants to call you to singleness, you can keep contending for that. He will meet you there, and He will speak to you in that.
Ellen Krause: He sure will. He sure will.
Well, Christian, your prayer journal that walks people through all of these different areas to be praying—for their identity, their character, their peace, their heart, their health, leadership, all these things—is so awesome. Tell people how they can find out more information about you and your new book.
Christian Bevere: I’m so glad that these are coming out. As I started sharing my journey to meeting my husband, people were asking, “How did you pray? What did you pray into?”
So I wrote the Dear Future Husband Prayer Journal as a way to give scripture, prompts, and space to write those love letters and even write your vows. And you can do what I did with mine and keep it as this tangible tool of hope, and then on your wedding day give it to your husband.
And then for the people that may be wondering, “Okay, I still don’t know what to pray or how to pray or how to do dating,” I wrote Future Husband, Present Prayers, which is releasing the same day. That’s more of a guidebook where we talk through what prayer looks like, how to not become obsessed, how to fight discouragement, all things like that.
My hope is that these are a good duo. They’re on Amazon or on ChristianMavier.com. They released February 10th, and they can be found anywhere books are sold.
They’re also a great gift if you are a mom listening for your child, or for your sister or girlfriend. I did this journey—my husband’s Bible journey—with one of my best friends. It was sweet to see the days that I felt discouraged, like, “This is crazy. The Lord’s not going to bring anyone to me in Alabama. This isn’t happening.”
And she would sit there and say, “No, you are a beautiful woman of God. You’re going to keep praying. I believe this can happen.”
So there really is power in community. Maybe even do this with a friend. Gift it to each other for Valentine’s Day.
Ellen Krause: Yes, I love that idea. We will make sure we include those links in our show notes.
Christian, before I let you go, I have to ask you some of our favorite questions here that our audience loves to hear. What is your go-to Bible, and what translation is it?
Christian Bevere: Yes, me too. I’ve been on ESV for the last few years—that’s my translation. But for my 30th, a few of my friends got me a journaling Bible, one of the Hosanna Revival Bibles. It’s just so beautiful, and I love seeing that space and that community feature of how my friends saw this and thought of me for my birthday. So that’s what I’ve been in lately.
Ellen Krause: Yes, they have incredible Bibles. Okay, do you have any favorite journaling supplies that you’d like to use for Bible journaling?
Christian Bevere: I actually got this from my husband. He has a collection of highlighters. I used to think it was just yellow or pink, but he has green and blue.
He said, “This is for miracles. This is for words of God’s confirmation. This is for when Jesus spoke.”
And so I love using highlighters now—multiple different colors—just to see the Word really come alive and think, “Wow, that was a prophecy. That was a healing.” There’s so much in there, especially when we look past just the words.
Ellen Krause: Absolutely. And taking that mental action of highlighting, I think, also helps you retain the information.
Lastly, what is your favorite app or website for Bible study tools?
Christian Bevere: Ooh, I love the verse of the day. There are so many times where I’m getting something out of actually reading the Bible, but then I can be on the go and pull it up, and it’s one that speaks directly to me.
And I’m like, “Wow, they wrote this one just for me. Thank you so much.”
I love having that on my phone, having that quick go-to, especially in our day and age where everything’s so busy and you just want the comfort of the Word here and there. That’s my favorite thing on my phone.
Ellen Krause: Perfect. Well, Christian, thank you so much for being here. It’s been such a blessing talking with you.
Christian Bevere: Ellen, thank you so much for the space and for being a voice and a light to your audience. I appreciate that.
Ellen Krause: Thank you.
And to our listeners, what we’ve talked about today isn’t about fixing your timeline or forcing an outcome. It’s about learning how to stay rooted in faith, honest prayer, and intentional living right where you are.
So whether your story includes marriage or looks different than what you once imagined, God’s work in you is still real, still purposeful, and still unfolding.
My hope is that this conversation gave you language for what you’re carrying and courage for what is ahead. And if nothing else, that you’d walk away reminded that your life is not on hold—and neither is God.
Pass this along to someone you feel needs encouragement. You know who they are. I know this conversation will encourage someone in your sphere of influence.
Thank you so much for listening. We’ll see you next time on the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
Dating as a Christian is a season that comes with challenges unlike any other. On the one hand, you’re navigating relationships—but you’re also navigating your faith, your values, and how they weigh against your heart’s deepest desires.
Many Christian women find themselves asking: How do I wait faithfully for the right person? How can I date without compromising my values?
But here’s one more question we should be asking: how do we partner with God in the process?
In this episode of the Coffee and Bible Time Podcast, Ellen Krause sits down with Christian Bevere to unpack these questions and offer practical guidance for dating as a Christian without losing faith, patience, or hope.
Prayer in Singleness: Shaping Your Heart for the Future
One of the most important insights Christian shares is that prayer in singleness isn’t meant to guarantee marriage—it’s meant to shape your desires and character. Ellen summarizes it like this:
“Prayer in singleness was never meant to guarantee marriage. It was always meant to shape you.”
Ellen Krause
How Prayer Prepares You for Godly Relationships
Christian reflects on her own journey, emphasizing how intentional prayer transformed her understanding of relationships:
“I think there was something just about the idea of dependency…that the Lord established in me in that season that has set me up for how to walk in faith through other seasons of waiting, because waiting never stops. …He just began to infuse what faith looked like for me. How do I bring requests to Him? How do I actually lay those down at His feet, but still contend for them daily?”
Christian Bevere
For Christian, prayer became a “touchpoint” rather than a one-off request.
She encourages women to engage in faith-filled prayer that acknowledges their desires while building trust in God’s provision and timing.
Waiting Well: Active vs. Passive Waiting
Christian Bevere introduces a critical concept for dating as a Christian: the difference between passive and active waiting.
Passive waiting might look like doing nothing and hoping the right person appears. Active waiting, however, is intentional and faith-driven. She shares:
“Active waiting says, I’m going to keep bringing this. I’m going to keep pouring into it. I like to say in the book, don’t sit on praying hands. Don’t just twiddle your thumbs.”
Christian Bevere
This approach helps cultivate a heart that is ready for marriage, while remaining grounded in Christ.
Biblical Examples of Faithful Waiting (Hannah’s Story)
She points to the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 as a biblical example of active waiting:
“She waited and prayed for 13 years to have [her son] Samuel… and the Bible says that the Lord remembered her prayers. Not one was going unheard.”
Christian Bevere
The takeaway? Dating as a Christian isn’t about rushing God’s timing—it’s about growing in faith, discernment, and patience while remaining spiritually and emotionally active.
Asking Hard Questions When Dating as a Christian
Christian emphasizes that understanding your partner is critical for healthy, Christ-centered relationships. For women navigating dating, she encourages asking thoughtful questions:
“Ask questions around their family and their community… Ask them about their faith, their passions, things like that so you can see essentially who you’re going out with, not just the kind words he can say.”
Christian Bevere

Questions For Dating as a Christian
Here’s some questions Christian recommends asking:
- “Tell me about your friends. What do you enjoy doing together?”
This will help you learn what his community looks like. Is he new to the area? Does he have long-term friendships? Is he a loner? You’ll learn a lot about what he values in relationships by learning about his friends. - “What’s a favorite memory from your childhood?”
Learning about his past will help you understand him better. You’ll find out more about his family, his life as a kid, and what makes him smile. - “What’s one dream or passion you want to pursue this year?“
You’ll find out about his goals and desires for the future, and see if he’s serious about getting started on making them happen. - “What’s one thing you feel like God has been teaching you recently?“
This is a question that will help you discover what his faith is like: is he actively seeking Jesus? Does he listen to God? Is he comfortable talking about spiritual things with other people? These are important things to find out before getting in serious relationships.
These questions create a mosaic of understanding about your potential partner, ensuring alignment on values and faith before deeper commitment.
Spotting Alignment and Red Flags Early
Not every date needs to be serious, or teach you something new about the other person—but over time, you should be learning more about them than their favorite foods or if they can say kind things to you.
Learning about your date’s character, values (not just what they say they value, but what their actions show they truly care about), and vision for the future will help you see your compatibility as a couple—especially if you’ve been asking those questions about yourself, too.
Discerning God’s Will in Relationships
One of the hardest challenges in dating as a Christian is distinguishing between fear-based decisions and truly discerning God’s will. Christian Bevere advises:
“People like to say, when you know, you know. When it comes to relationships, what that really means is you have peace.”
Christian Bevere
If you don’t feel at peace with the idea of being with someone, they’re probably not the right person for you.
Seeking Wise Counsel and Guidance From Scripture
She encourages couples to pray consistently, seek wise counsel, and pay attention to the nudges of the Holy Spirit. Scripture reminds us of God’s guidance in decision-making:
Indeed, if you call out for insight
Proverbs 2:3-5
and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God.
By cultivating discernment, Christian women can step confidently into dating relationships while honoring God’s timing and wisdom.

Practical Takeaways for Women Dating as a Christian
- Make prayer a rhythm – Use prayer to shape your heart, not just request a future spouse. Reflect on your character, values, and readiness for marriage.
- Practice active waiting – Stay spiritually engaged and trust God’s timing. Like Hannah, consistent prayer and faith create fertile ground for blessing.
- Ask intentional questions – Learn about your potential partner’s faith, family, and passions to ensure alignment and shared vision for life.
- Discern God’s will with peace – Look for inner peace, wise counsel, and guidance from the Holy Spirit as indicators of God’s leading.
- Guard against settling or striving – Trust God’s timing and avoid forcing relationships or compromising your values out of fear or impatience.
Encouragement for Every Season
Christian reminds listeners that dating as a Christian is not just about finding the right spouse—it’s about growth in faith and character:
“Though there’s days that you feel like everyone else has found their person or has had an easier time, there’s so much more layered beneath than we just see on a day-to-day basis.
So maybe you’re carrying that hurt, wondering, ‘What do I do with this? Because I feel like I’m the only one.’ I can guarantee you, you’re not. I can guarantee you the Lord wants to meet you in that, and that nothing is in vain.”
Christian Bevere
No matter where you are in your journey, these principles offer hope, clarity, and encouragement. By integrating prayer, patience, and discernment, Christian women can navigate dating faithfully while trusting God’s perfect plan.
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re in the middle of a long waiting season, exploring potential relationships, or reflecting on past dating experiences, this episode provides practical tools and spiritual encouragement. It’s a reminder that dating as a Christian isn’t about rushing into marriage—it’s about partnering with God, growing in faith, and waiting with purpose.
Listen to the full episode of Coffee and Bible Time with Christian Bevere for deeper insights, Scripture reflections, and actionable steps to approach singleness and dating with confidence and peace.

Future Husband, Present Prayers
Singleness can feel like…waiting. Like you’re just hoping the right guy stumbles along while you stand by. But what if there was a resource that showed how you can move from passively waiting to actively praying for your future husband? Christian Bevere shares how single women can lace their desire for marriage with prayer—moving from a place of uncertainty to expectation.


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