Father God: How He Heals Our Deepest Wounds and Redeems Our Stories

James Pellitteri [introduction]:

I accepted the Lord at that same place where I’d go find peace. And the only time I would feel peace, Ellen, is when I would look out at the ocean.

And for the first time, I turned from the ocean, and I felt peace looking at the world. I had this explosion in my heart that this is truth. I was done looking for purpose. I was done looking for answers. I’m like, “I found the answer to life, and it’s Jesus Christ being your Lord and Savior.”

That’s the story, I guess. There’s so many details in it and so much pain in it, but God used it to get me to that point. And then the journey really began.

Ellen Krause:

Welcome back to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast. I’m Ellen, your host, and today’s conversation is a really special one.

I’m joined by a fellow brother in Christ of mine from our home church. His name is Jim Pellitteri, and I heard Jim’s testimony actually quite a number of years ago.

And it’s just been recently where I have felt so compelled to have him come on our podcast and share it with you all because I think one of the greatest beauties in his story is how he has used what God has done in his life to share the gospel with anyone and everyone.

I hang out with his wife periodically, and she’s like, ” He just witnessed to this person and that person.” 

James Pellitteri: [laughs]

Ellen Krause: I’m like, “I have to have him. I have to have him on.”

So Jim is a firefighter, an evangelist, and someone who has a powerful story of how God completely transformed his life.

He’s going to tell us how he came to know Jesus and how his faith plays out in the everyday, both in the intense situations that he faces as a firefighter and in his heart for sharing the gospel with others.

I know Jim’s perspective will be so helpful for those of us who want to share our faith but maybe are feeling unsure or insecure about where to start.

He has such a genuine, bold, and simple way of pointing people to Jesus. And I know there is so much we can all learn from that.

So wherever you are, grab your coffee, sink into your seat, and I’m so glad that you’ve joined us.

So, Jim, welcome.

James Pellitteri: Glad to be here, Ellen. Thanks for having me. God is good. Hope I answer your questions the way you need and kind of touch hearts of others out there.

Ellen Krause: Absolutely, absolutely.

Well, I know you touched mine a number of years ago when you gave your testimony at church. Why don’t you just start out by telling us a little bit about yourself, your life, your family, and what you’re passionate about right now?

James Pellitteri: My life—I’m 58 years old, been in the fire service for 35 years, and became a Christian when I was 21. That was really the significant change in my life from night to day.

And then there’s another significant moment in my life. Best day: becoming a Christian. Second-best day—most people think it’s when I married my wife, which is true—but my second-best day is really where God became my first love.

And I asked God to teach me how to love because I didn’t know how to be a man if I really didn’t know how to love like He wanted me to.

It took me three years. I call it my desert time with Him. And that was significant.

And then, as soon as I got it, I said, “I get it. I can’t negotiate. I have to completely trust You.”

My wife came into my life, and then we’ve been married for 26 years, coming up on 27. We have two sons, Michael and Joel. They’re chasing hard after the Lord. They’re better than I ever was at their age—23 and 21—and they’re doing great things for God.

My passion right now is really… you know how there are seasons with God? And I remember, you know, when I’m chasing after Him, it’s usually during despair and pain and brokenness that I’m closest to Him.

And I’ve just been in a place, and my passion right now is just waking up in the morning and wanting to feel His presence.

I know it’s Christian—it seems like that’s what you’re supposed to say on the show—but that’s really where I’m at. I want that closeness with Him because that gives me peace. And when that happens, I’m in a good way.

Actually, I’ve been to church in the morning. My wife works at the church, which you know, and I just go in the youth room, and I’ve been reading my Bible there just because it’s quiet, no distractions. I journal, and I’m trying to just be close because He never moves—we move, so to speak.

So I long for that, and if I long for anything, that’s the best thing to long for.

Ellen Krause: Right.

That’s amazing. That’s amazing, right? And that’s the best starting point, right, of your day if you can kick it off in such a way that He’s steering it and directing it.

Well, let’s take a step back in time. You haven’t always followed Jesus, as you mentioned. Tell us a little bit about what your life was like before you knew Him.

James Pellitteri: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Okay.

My life? Okay. When I was a kid, my parents were Catholic. We went to church a little bit, but I just feared God. You know, I was afraid if I did anything wrong, I thought I was going to hell. I mean, I really thought that. If I did anything wrong, I just felt so guilty.

Matter of fact, I made it to the Catholic Church to where I did Communion. So you went to confession. And I would actually lie to the priest in confession because they knew my parents. I thought they would tell. I didn’t know how it worked. It was just goofy.

Not that I was doing anything really terrible, but that’s all I knew.

But then my life drastically changed when I was 8, 10, somewhere around there. My parents split.

I’m going to sum this up the best way I can. But I was basically kidnapped by my mom. There are four siblings, and we were removed from our family. We kind of lived all over the States, and she ran away with a guy.

We ended up there, and then she kept us. And when she kept us, she was in Michigan, and life just got really bad.

There’s so many details in the story, but at the end of the day, all kinds of abuse occurred to me.

Physical neglect verbal and sexual abuse occurred, and I wanted to be dead more than I wanted to be alive. 

So I thought if there was a God during that time, I thought, well, I’d rather be dead. You know what I mean? I’m just like, why would you do this? 

Because I was more of a victim of circumstance when you’re a kid. It’s not like I chose this behavior or chose any of this. 

Ellen Krause: Mm.

James Pellitteri:  So as I was getting through all of that, we were poor a lot. They were into drugs. They were very abusive. 

My stepdad really became my father, and he was a Force Recon Marine from Vietnam and he was very physical. My body’s very broken from him. 

You know, we moved all over, so you’d go to the hospital. Sometimes you’d get things fixed. Sometimes you wouldn’t. You would just have to say it was sports or something like that. 

And I was very angry. I wasn’t a bully or anything like that. I’m a little guy. I’m not very big, but I was just very angry with life. 

And I wanted to be dead more than I wanted to be alive.

So, the long and short of it is, at 18 years old, things started to change. I would get beat all the time, and I’d get kicked out of the house. I’d have to go live on the street for a little bit or with friends. That was it. It was just very normal for me.

And then, for some reason, I’m all bloody and beat. My mom… she knocks over my motorcycle, and I never struck my mother. My mother would beat me with frying pans, bottles, glass. I mean, I was beaten that day with a phone, and I was all cut in my face, which wasn’t the worst I’ve gotten. But obviously, I was hit.

And my stepdad went away. I grabbed her. I was mad, and I said, “You oughta…” I never… it’s the only time I ever touched her.

And she goes, “Well, I’m gonna call the cops.”

And that was new to me.

And I was like, “All right.”

But I knew how to be “Yes, sir,” “No, ma’am,” because of the Marine that I was raised by.

So I go to my friend’s house. I call the cops, and I’m like, “Hey, my mom says she called the cops. We got in this fight.”

Well, a cop comes and finds me.

And he goes, “Are you Jimmy?”

And I said, “Yes, sir.”

And he goes, “I made a terrible mistake.”

I said, “I don’t understand.”

He goes, “I could see you’ve been beat. I went and saw your mother. There’s not a mark on her. There’s nothing wrong with her. But she gave me this story.”

My mom was a very good storyteller, an exaggerator. My mom was dark. She was just evil.

So I was just like, “Dang.”

And I said, “What is it?”

And he said, “Well, I have to arrest you for assault.”

And I said, “But I don’t understand.”

He said, “Well, I let her sign a complaint without getting your side of the story. I just assumed you were another teenager just acting out or whatever.”

But he took me to the bank to make bail so I could get bail money. He was very cool to me.

I went to my bank, and he goes, “You have to stay the night in jail.”

I did get bailed out. The charges were eventually dropped.

But then they found this new tool when I turned 18.

I didn’t have the freedom to leave my home when I was a legal adult because we ran the whole house. We cooked dinners. We cleaned it. It had to be immaculate. We’d get pulled out of school if the chores weren’t done right. If the garbage wasn’t emptied, the cans would be emptied out of the bags in my room.

You know, honestly, it was just that type of thing. So that was just very normal.

So then, when I turned 18, I think they knew I knew a lot. And maybe they were afraid. I don’t know.

They started this jail thing. This was new.

And then I’m in cuffs again. And I’m just like, “Man, I’m going to go to jail again.”

Ellen Krause: Mm.

James Pellitteri:You know, it was before the other charges were dropped.

And this one cop said, “Jimmy, I bet you’re being beat all the time.”

And I looked at him like someone finally noticed.

And he asked me, “Do you want to have your parents arrested?”

Man, I wish I could say I was noble. I was Jesus-like. But Jesus was far from my heart.

I actually feared what they would do to me after they got out.

So I said, “No, but can I leave?”

So then I leave, gather my thoughts.

And then, in the middle of all this, there’s a girl who’s a Christian that went to Westlake Christian Academy when it was back in Zion, I think.

We had a common friend, and she shared the gospel with me when I was 18.

And I remember, it wasn’t an awkward thing, but when I met her family and her before she shared the gospel, there was something different about them.

They had the same pressures of life, but they had this peace and this joy. You could just see it.

And when you come from darkness like me, being born into that, you really see the light when it’s present.

And I saw it, and I didn’t know what it was.

But she shared with me how she would remain a virgin until she got married, how she loves God more than her parents, and how she’ll love God more than her future husband.

She’s giving me this whole picture of what Jesus means to her.

And I didn’t know what that meant.

And I asked questions from a worldly perspective, not a Christ-centered perspective, because we were friends. And she was a woman, and I was a boy. That’s how I saw it. Like she was way out of my league or whatever. But she was beautiful, all this, but she was beautiful in heart.

And she just shared all this with me.

And I remember hopping on my motorcycle. And as much as I was a victim, I realized in that moment I also was a sinner.

And I’m riding my motorcycle, and I’m thinking to myself, “How could God love me that much?” So I heard the gospel three years before I became a Christian, and it had an effect.

So whoever is listening, when you share it, you just might be planting the first seed. Leave the results up to God. You don’t have to force it.

She didn’t have to be right. She was effective. She just made me feel it and absorb it.

I’ve never forgotten that moment. Ever. And I have a learning disability. I’m dyslexic. I forget a lot of things.

But that thing, that moment in time, was the beginning of it all.

So then I actually had to run away from my house when I was 18. My brother and I came up with this plan. I UPS’d my things in the middle of the night.

Again, a legal adult, I didn’t have the freedom to leave.

So we were like slaves, to be honest with you. We ran the whole house, and there were consequences if it wasn’t done right. They were usually wasted in their room, on drugs, and so on and so forth.

But anyway, I ran away. I got a full-time job. I knew how to work hard. I got benefits, all this stuff.

And I come home from work, and I see all these cops. I’m like, “Something’s going on.” Well, anyway, they’re there to arrest me.

I get arrested again.

Now, when I got off that plane, when I ran away, I felt free. I felt like I made it, and I made something of my life.

But my stepdad—my dad, really, the guy who raised me—he was just vindictive, and so was my mom.

So anyway, I get arrested. It was pretty brutal how I got arrested.

And this Detective Rudolph—I’ll never forget him. I believe to this day he was a Christian.

He goes, “Do you know why you’re being arrested?”

I said, “No, sir. I have no idea.”

He goes, “It’s grand larceny.”

And I said, “I don’t even know what that is.”

And he said, “Well, grand larceny is a felony if it’s over $300.” I’m sure it’s more today because this was back in the ’80s. “You stole something over $300.”

I said, “I can’t make sense of anything.” So I was lost.

And he goes, “Well, the warrant comes out of Illinois.”

And I said, “oh.”

He saw me change. He goes, “What?”

I said, “Because it’s my parents.”

He says, “Your parents did this?”

And I explained it.

So anyway, he calls them and tries to get them to drop the charges.

He goes, “Do you realize he’s an adult? He’s not going to make bail. He has to go to jail for at least 90 days before the marshals come and get him and extradite him back to Illinois.”

When I went to jail, I wanted to end my life. It was that simple.

And this detective was so good. He had the guards look after me and all this stuff.

But there was a guy I met in the holding cell before I went for arraignment.

And when you’re in arraignment and you’re in jail, you’re just a mess. Your breath stinks. Your hair is disheveled. You’re in a cell with, like, a hundred guys, and you’re just waiting to go see the judge before you’re released or you go to the county jail or whatever.

So this guy comes up to me.

And Detective Rudolph told me, “Don’t tell anyone the truth while you’re in here. Don’t tell them it’s your parents. You’re 18, you’re kind of a handsome little guy, and bad things can happen to you. So just tell them you’re a thief, but don’t tell them it was your parents.”

I said, “All right.”

So people were asking me, and I’m telling them.

I’m thinking about how I could kill myself, to be honest with you. I’m like, “They’ll always win.”

Ellen Krause: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jim Pellitteri: So I’m looking around, and this guy comes up to me.

I kid you not, like he came out of heaven himself. I don’t know how else to say it.

He had these black pants that were crisp, a white shirt that was perfect. His teeth, his hair, his… I’ll never forget it.

And he puts his hands on my shoulders…I didn’t realize it until after I became a Christian.

And I never introduced myself as Jimmy. My family calls me that, you know, people that I’m close to, but it’s Jim or James. You know, especially in jail, I’m not going to be a Jimmy. I want to be a Jim, you know, more of a man with all these men.

So anyway, I don’t remember telling him my name.

He goes, “Jimmy, what brought you here today?”

“What brought me here?” And I told him the absolute truth without hesitation.

I was like, I was in the presence of something bigger than myself.

And then I tell him the whole story…the truth.

Ellen Krause: Mm-hmm.

James Pellitteri: He says, “Don’t you worry, your father will get you out of here.”

And I’m like, “Man, my father put me in here. I don’t even understand.”

And then I panicked.

I look all around within a minute, and he’s just gone. I can’t find him because I wanted to tell him, “Don’t tell anyone the truth.”

I totally freaked out. I’m like, “No one can know because of what the detective told me.”

Well, anyway, so time goes on. I go to jail. I’m there for a while.

And then eventually, I never have to go back to Illinois. I get out and I’m on my own.

I kept my job. They were so graceful. I explained my story to my employer.

So I’m living life now.

So I’m there and I’m working hard, 80 hours overtime, working for a cable TV company, you know, so I’m good.

But then I’m empty.

And I had these dreams like Leave It to Beaver. I thought I’d reconnect with my real dad. That never happened.

My life was just miserable.

As much as I ran away, I lived in fear. I always had nightmares of stuff that happened to me, stuff like that.

Never had roommates. I didn’t trust people. I just…you know, was living.

I never got into drugs. I did go through a little drinking period when I was down there.

I’d go out with the guys from work, but I never partook in any illegal drugs or anything, and I would probably drink too much.

And I remember once I was out to a bar real late on a weekend, I said, “I’m not doing this anymore.”

So I just quit drinking. You know, I’m like, “This is stupid.” So I knew how to do right things, I guess.

But then I’d always go to the beach, to this little tiki bar where this guy would play a guitar every night, and it just brought me peace.

And then the girl who shared the gospel with me, she decides to, her and her girlfriend—she was in college—she goes, “Hey, can we come down and visit you?”

I said, “Yeah, you guys can stay at my place. You can have my room. I’ll sleep on the couch.” I had an apartment.

They’re like, “That’d be great.” 

So I never met her friend before, Tammy. We hung out, you know, and Carrie and I became like brother and sister. You know, it was just amazing. Like, we just became best of friends. So, and we’re close to this day.

And we go to that beach where I used to hang out. And then she tells me about Jesus again.

And then I accepted the Lord at that same place where I’d go find peace.

And the only time I would feel peace, Ellen, is when I would look out at the ocean. And for the first time, I turned from the ocean and I felt peace looking at the world.

And I had, like, what I would call a Holy Spirit explosion.

When it happened, I instantly knew it was true because it was true. No one could tell me any different.

Like, it just happened immediately. I had this explosion in my heart that this is truth.

I was done looking for purpose.

I was done looking for answers.

I was just done.

I’m like, “I found the answer to life, and it’s Jesus Christ being your Lord and Savior.”

I remember I felt this joy for like two days.

And so I’m like, “Man.”

And they left. They went. And I kind of go to a church. I just find a church, walk in, you know. And I don’t want to be close to anyone because I don’t trust anyone the way I was. I try to connect or whatever.

And then I told my brother. I said, “Man, I became a born-again Christian.”

He goes, “Are you gonna become one of those Bible thumpers?”

I said, “I think so. I don’t know.” So I told him, and I was trying to figure it out.

But that’s the story, I guess, to do it.

There’s so many details in it and so much pain in it, but God used it to get me to that point, and then the journey really began.

Ellen Krause: Yeah, Jim, thank you for just your willingness to walk through that pain again with us, because it gives us a deeper perspective on  the trauma that you experienced and God’s grace, right, at the same time for how you had these different, well, I don’t know how you actually describe the person that came to visit you, but just, yeah.

James Pellitteri: Yeah, I just think it was an angel. I can’t explain it because he didn’t say, “I’m the Father.” He said, “Your Father,” and I knew now it had to be an angel.

It just had to be.

And I’ll go to my grave believing that truth.

Ellen Krause: Right, right, right.

Jim Pellitteri: Yeah, I just think it was an angel. I can’t explain it because he didn’t say, “I’m the Father.” He said, “Your Father,” and I knew. Now, it had to be an angel. It just had to be.

And I’ll go to my grave believing that truth.

Ellen Krause: Absolutely, absolutely.

So what helped you grow then in those early days when you didn’t have as much of a background? Or even, right, how do you do the Christian walk?

Jim Pellitteri: All right. Well, this is me, right?

I knew what I did was real, and I knew I needed to do more with it.

I remember Carrie’s parents had an apartment, and they put me up there. That’s where I first lived.

And they told me about a young pastor who started a church out in Gurnee. So I started going there.

I would walk in and not connect with anyone. I would walk in during worship. I’d go sit in the front. Well, I didn’t care what people thought because I’m dyslexic, and it’s better if I’m in the front.

And I would go to Willow Creek because I was a fireman working 24/48, and I was just trying to get fed the best I could.

Then there was a really godly family, Bob and Jill Zerba. I’m not sure if you ever knew them, but they used to go to Village, and they took me in like their little brother. That was really good for me.

But I think one of the most significant things that happened is I knew I was saved in the early years, but I really wasn’t living for the Lord.

I was on a lot of specialized rescue teams in the fire service—high-angle rope rescue up high. I would teach that and do that.

And I remember I’m up high on a water tower somewhere doing a drill. When you’re up high, you just think, “Man, if you fall and you die, you’re done.”

Not that I’m thinking about that, but I’m thinking, “If I died today, I don’t know if I could look Jesus in the eye because I don’t know if I’ve done enough with this gift.”

You know, am I loving Him enough? Am I close enough?

If I had to see Him in heaven, I’d almost be ashamed. Like, “Man, I should know better now.”

Before I met my wife, I got engaged to a woman. She was Catholic.

And I said to her, “Hey, I’m a Christian. I became a born-again Christian, and I know I have to be evenly yoked with you. Would you consider coming to my church, to meet my pastor?”

And she did. She liked it better than the Catholic church, so she was kind of open to it. She saw the difference.

Then I called off the engagement because I didn’t think I could be a dad. 

I didn’t think I could be a father because I didn’t know how to love. And that just broke me.

I mean, I was just like, “I’ll never become a man unless I really learn how to love.”

So this is when it really… this is where my life really took off in the early stages.

I call it my desert time with God. It took three years.

I mean, I was miserable. I just felt so broken. It’s like I never dealt with a lot of my issues growing up—the pain that just owned me.

And I just went to God and said, “Teach me how to love. I’m coming to You.”

I tried counseling, and I don’t know if they were Christian. I just thought I needed help, and it just didn’t work.

I go to counseling now. For the first time, I’ve been to four sessions right now, and it’s been good. I just want to talk that up. If anyone needs it, it’s really been good for me.

So I’m in this process with God, and I thought He could heal me right away. But what He did was He took me back in time.

I started to remember things that happened to me that I had blocked out. I didn’t sleep for eight days in a row once.

I remember, and I just had to have all these flashbacks, these visions of my past.

And as they happened, I said, “I don’t want to remember this. I don’t want to remember it.”

It was just miserable, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

So I know there’s still stuff I don’t want to remember that I’ve just kind of blocked out.

But the last thing I started to do was read the Bible.

I would go to coffee shops every day, and I started writing poetry. I wrote tons of poems, and I would talk to God that way. 

I would just talk to Him. I mean, I’d be there for eight hours, just sitting in a coffee shop.

I stopped dating. I stopped doing any of that stuff. I just wanted to spend time with God.

And then, at the end of it, He just became my dad, my mother, my brother, my sister, my best friend. He became everything to me.

I would ask Him, “Hey, where should I go to lunch today, Dad?” I mean, I would talk to Him like that. Like I’m His kid. And it just became such an intimate relationship of fellowship and following.

Every time I asked for a mentor to come into my life, He just… He wouldn’t do it. He’d just put Him in my life.

And when that happened… I mean, I just… I feel the Holy Spirit right now, the joy of that. I don’t have words to describe it.

He just takes the time, out of the billions of people on this earth, just for me. How He does it, I don’t know. But I’m grateful.

And I just feel like I’m His special kid. All of us should. Someone said, “We’re the King’s kids.” We are. We’re saints.

Even though we don’t deserve the title, we don’t deserve to be part of the family, it’s by His Son. That makes no sense.

What loving father wouldn’t die for their son? He does the opposite. He lets His Son die for Him—for us. I mean, He’s the ultimate.

Most people will be skeptical about it, and I get it. Because I was.

But when I asked Him in, I never doubted His existence again.

When I asked Jesus into my life, I’ve struggled in my faith. I’ve been mad. I’m sure I’ve disappointed Him.

I wrote this poem once called The Awakening. It’s my wife’s favorite. 

In the end, I just said, “Lord, forgive me for all the pain I have given You.” Because I realized just my behavior toward Him has got to break His heart.

Because He’s just saying, “Don’t you get how much I love you?”

There’s nothing you can do to separate me from Your love, like in Romans. So that is probably when it really happened.

Then my sister went through a hard time, and she asked if she could live with me. And I said, “Yeah.”

She said, “I’ll be there a couple of months.”

Well, she started going to Village Church then. She’s very social, and I’m more of an introvert. And she’s like, “Come on. Go to these groups with me.”

And I’m like, “Okay.” So I would go. Then I started to get to know people. That’s how I eventually met my wife.

So I’m telling you, the day after God became my first love, at the end of that desert time, Wendy was in my life.

So I hope that answers it. I don’t know if I’m talking too much or not, but forgive me if I am.

Ellen Krause: No, no, not at all. I just appreciate how authentic you are, and just those absolute heartfelt decisions that you made to follow Christ. And look what came from that. 

James Pellitteri: Yeah. Yeah.

Ellen Krause:  Like your life just did a 180…

Ellen Krause [voiceover]: Well friends, we’re going to need to pause this conversation here for today, but I hope you’ll come back next week to hear the awesome ways that God is moving in Jim’s life—and be encouraged by what He is doing in yours, too.

As we leave, let me leave you with this question for your own reflection:

Where is one place in your life where God has brought healing? How can you praise him for that today?

Not all of us have big, dramatic stories, but I know that each and every one of us has testimonies of God’s healing, redemptive work in our lives.

I would love to hear yours. If you have a testimony you want to share, or even just a thought prompted by today’s episode, let me know by using the link in our shownotes below, or by sending an email to info@coffeeandbibletime.com.

Maybe we’ll share it in next week’s episode!

Join us next week to listen in on the rest of Jim’s story. Until then, thank you for listening, and have a blessed day.