Navigating relationships is a journey filled with both profound joy and challenging growth. If you are dating, married, or would like to be, here are 5 lessons that we at Coffee and Bible Time have learned!
1: Trust God’s timing.
Singleness can feel isolating. Parties, social media, even church can trigger feelings of invisibility, unworthiness, or inadequacy, and it can be easy to blame looks, personality, or awkwardness for not having the relationship status you want.
This is where you have to trust the promises of Scripture over your feelings. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, submit to him and he will make your path straight.”
Our own insight, without the guidance of the Holy Spirit, doesn’t lead to wisdom. What would it look like to submit your heart and desires to God? By cultivating trust in him, you will find yourself growing in contentment and joy (Romans 15:13).
2. Our worth is never defined by our relationship status.
Our identity and worth is rooted in Christ alone, not in whether we’re single, married, divorced, or widowed. This is amazing news! As believers, we are chosen, loved, redeemed, and fully known by God (just check out Ephesians and Colossians if you’re not sure!)
Marriage is a gift from God, and a good thing to desire. But, like anything, it becomes problematic when it overshadows our love for Christ. The challenging question we must ask ourselves is: if God called me to singleness for a season or even for life, would He still be enough?
If you’re struggling with lies about your identity, check out our Bible study, https://coffeeandbibletime.com/product/uprooting-lies-planting-truth-journal-printable/
3. Rely on the Holy Spirit to show you red flags in your relationships.
A word of caution here: the Bible tells us that even the best of us sin, and we are in a lifelong process of being transformed by the Holy Spirit. So don’t be too quick to dismiss someone because of one flaw—remember Jesus’ advice to remove the plank from your own eye before trying to fish out a splinter from someone else’s (Matthew 7:3-5)!
That being said, you should ask the Lord to reveal unhealthy patterns in your relationship. (Be prepared to be told you’re part of the problem!) One of our favorite prayers to pray when discerning the quality or suitability of a relationship is, “Lord, show me everything I need to know about this person.” It’s a question he is quick and qualified to answer!
4. Relationships are designed to reflect Christ’s love.
Take a moment and read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV):
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
To love means to model Jesus. That is a love that doesn’t come easily—it requires intentional effort and divine help! If you find yourself always needing things to go your way, or always bringing up your partner’s shortcomings, you need to re-evaluate your quality of love.
Similarly, if you’re in a relationship where your partner is consistently acting in ways that contradicts how Jesus would treat you, you should seek advice from your trusted Christian community on what to do. (If your partner is manipulating or abusing you emotionally, physically, or financially, seek help. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or text BEGIN to 88788.)
5. You will make mistakes—but your holiness is based on Christ.
God designed us for sexual intimacy, but he gave us boundaries to experience that intimacy in a way that is both safe and good. Scripture clearly teaches that physical intimacy is to be saved for marriage (insert verses here)—and it also teaches that there is healing from the shame of sin.
Every Christian will struggle with maintaining physical boundaries while they wait for marriage. If you are experiencing shame from going “too far”, run to God! He is rich in mercy and grace and will help you to walk in purity (Ephesians 2:4,7). This is also an opportunity for you to go to trusted Christian friends and mentors to seek help and wisdom.
Remember, none of us are perfectly pure before the Lord. It is Jesus’ atoning work that makes us holy.
Whether you are single, married, or engaged, we pray that Jesus will show you his love through the relationships he has placed in your life.
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