Christians seem to have a particular struggle when it comes to the word boundaries, and understanding what the Bible says about them.

For some, learning about and enacting boundaries has been a breath of fresh air: a way to set limits and recognize their finite humanity. For others, boundaries can seem more like a socially-acceptable way to have their needs overlooked by friends or family.

“I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:34-35

Or maybe you feel conflicted: aren’t we called to imitate Jesus, the most selfless person to ever live? Setting up boundaries can feel selfish when we serve a Savior who literally died for us.

What the Bible Says About Boundaries

The Bible doesn’t use the word “boundaries” the way modern psychology does, but it absolutely speaks to the concept.

Here are a few key verses:

• Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
• Mark 12:30-31 – “’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength’…and ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”
• Romans 12:18 – “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Each of these verses underlines one important concept: you are responsible for your heart, your obedience, and your peace. Not someone else’s behavior.

Examples of Boundaries in the Bible

The next time you’re reading Scripture and come across a passage that speaks to how believers are called to live alongside others, consider what that passage says about Christian boundaries.

Think about Jesus’ Parable of the Good Samaritan:

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.

But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.

The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

-Luke 10:25-37, emphasis added

The Good Samaritan didn’t avoid the needs of his neighbor. But he also didn’t abandon his other commitments.

He gave his time, energy, and money to someone in need, but he did not give without limit: after ensuring the man’s safety, he continued his journey.

Christian Boundaries are God-Centered

Let’s make this absolutely clear: biblical boundaries are not about control, punishment, or cutting people off. That is the worldly way of living, and we don’t live like that anymore (just read the book of Ephesians)!

Godly Christian boundaries start with asking God:“How can I love this person well, and still honor You?”

Because boundaries in the Bible aren’t about withdrawal; they’re about wisdom.

What Jesus Says About Boundaries

Jesus himself set boundaries. He slipped away from the crowds to rest. He didn’t tolerate questions that set traps for him. Not everyone was allowed into his inner circle.

But, he also invited Judas—the man who would betray him—to be a disciple, join him at the Last Supper, and even washed his feet. When Peter denied Jesus to save his own skin, Jesus forgave him, and after a painful and open conversation (recorded in John 21), even reconciled with him.

That’s the heart and soul of Christian boundaries: following the leading of our Father to love fully, while trusting him to protect, guide, and avenge you.

“It’s possible to have guidelines that govern a relationship without lessening our love.”

—Jada Edwards

The Coffee and Bible Time Podcast, Season 7, Episode 16

Biblical Boundaries: One Size Doesn’t Fit All

If we’re honest, we want a simple formula for godly Christian boundaries. A hard and fast rule would make it all so much easier…something like:

If they betray me → cut them off. If they lie twice → delete and block.

But, thankfully for us, God doesn’t work that way. And something we have to remember is that he knows everything—and we don’t.

That means every time you’re in a bumpy situation, you have to ask the Holy Spirit: “God, what do you want me to do with this person, in this moment?”

Sometimes he’ll say, “I’m teaching them discipline. Take a step back.” And sometimes he’ll say, “I’m teaching them grace. Lean back in.”

Our calling is to love others the way Jesus loves us. And that might look different in situations where we’ve been betrayed, or someone has broken our trust…but it will never involve bitterness.

The Role of Forgiveness in Christian Boundaries

Here’s a hard truth: if you’re still holding on to a debt someone “owes” you—an apology, closure, change—you haven’t truly forgiven. And Christians are called to forgive, just as we’ve been forgiven (Matthew 18:21-35).

But that doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It means:

1. Recognizing that the hurt can’t be undone.
2. Releasing the debt, trusting God to heal what others can’t repay.

“You can forgive without forcing reconciliation. Forgiveness is always required, but reconciliation takes two.”

—Jada Edwards

The Coffee and Bible Time Podcast, Season 7, Episode 16

Red Flags: When A Person Becomes Your Center

Sometimes, the issue is with our own priorities. If your joy, peace, or purpose depends on another person, that’s a warning sign of idolatry.

Only God should have that kind of influence over your soul.

When someone else can disrupt what God has promised you—joy, peace, contentment—that means you’ve likely given them a place that only God should hold.

Christian Boundaries Are Based in the Bible

So what do godly boundaries look like in real life?

• They honor your emotional and spiritual well-being, but they also leave space for grace.
• They don’t shut people out in revenge. They create space with wisdom.
• They are Spirit-led, not self-protective.

Jesus didn’t set boundaries to avoid people—He set boundaries to stay on mission. That’s the kind of clarity we need.

Boundaries are not unloving. But love also isn’t boundary-less.

Ask for Help

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, disconnected from God, or unsure how to love people well…just ask him. He’s there.

“Show me how You love me, God. Teach me how to love others like You.”

He will. Through Scripture, through community, through quiet moments you didn’t expect. He will show up.

And He’ll guide your boundaries—not with fear, but with faith.