About this episode:
You’ve prayed about it for months—or maybe years—and you’re starting to wonder if it’s time to give up hope. We’ve been there too.
Ellen Krause sits down with Kaci Nicole Harlow to talk about the painful reality of waiting on God, and how to remain faithful with unanswered prayers.
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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 What to Do When God Isn’t Answering
02:35 Kaci’s Long Season of Waiting
04:28 How God Uses Waiting to Deepen Our Faith
06:37 How to Bring Disappointment and Doubt to God
08:00 What Abraham Teaches Us About Imperfect Faith
09:35 Why Community Matters When You’re Waiting
10:39 How to Trust God When Prayers Go Unanswered
13:32 How to Stop Comparing Your Journey to Others
18:27 Should You Keep Praying or Let Go?
21:42 How to Trust God If the Answer Never Comes
25:13 What to Do When You’re Heartbroken in a Waiting Season
26:11 Kaci’s Book, Bible Study & Favorite Bible Tools
Kaci Harlow: When we’re in that space of waiting and God isn’t answering, there’s so many questions that tend to arise, like, “God, what am I supposed to do with this wait?
Am I supposed to keep trusting that this is something you have for me? Keep praying? Or is the fact that you haven’t answered this, does that mean that you don’t have this for me?”
We hear so much in Christian circles, like the word to wait on the Lord.
But, “God, what does it even mean to wait on you? Does that look like just sitting there and not doing anything because we’re told to not take control? Or does that look like actively pursuing the thing that you put on our heart, the thing that we desire?”
That’s really kind of the place in my story where God just started to answer so many of these questions through a very long process, and that’s the encouragement I hope to share with others who are in that as well.
Ellen Krause: Welcome back to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast. I’m Ellen, your host.
Have you ever prayed for something for so long that you eventually started wondering if God really hears you?
Maybe you’re waiting for a spouse, a child, a job, direction, or simply for God to change a circumstance that you desperately wish were different.
Well, today we’re talking about what it looks like to trust God when the answers we’re praying for haven’t come yet, and how we can keep following God even when we’re disappointed, discouraged, or just tired of waiting.
I’m so excited today to have Kaci Nicole Harlow with us.
She is a wife, mom, Bible teacher, writer, speaker, and Christian YouTuber who has a passion for helping women know Jesus more deeply and grow in his word.
Kaci, I’m so excited to have you with us today.
Kaci Harlow: I’m so excited to be here. Thanks for having me, Ellen.
Ellen Krause: Well, I’m just thankful that you’ve allowed God to work in your life, to share your story, as hard as some of the times have been.
I think most of us have had moments when we’ve prayed really specifically for something, and God didn’t answer in the way that we hoped or on the timeline that we wanted. Tell us about a time when you’ve experienced that personally.
Kaci Harlow: For sure. I think that waiting is something we all experience throughout all of life.
If I were to ask you, Ellen, if we were to ask each listener, if you were to ask me, I think we could all name something even right now that we’re waiting for. And so waiting is just such a part of life.
And so for me, that waiting season was the longing for God to bring my husband into my life.
And I had a plan for that, right? I was gonna get married really young. I was gonna be married just out of college at the latest, in my mind. And I was truly confident that that was just how things were gonna happen.
That was my plan. That was not God’s plan. And so instead of getting married right out of college, I went through most of my 20s still longing for those things while seeing no movement in that area of my life.
And meanwhile, watching so many of my best friends step into those things, become wives, have baby number one, two, three. I can’t even tell you how many weddings I was in, and just wondering, God, do you see this desire? Do you even care?
And I think when we’re in that space of waiting and God isn’t answering, there’s so many questions that tend to arise, like, “God, what am I supposed to do with this wait?
Am I supposed to keep trusting that this is something you have for me? Keep praying?
Or is the fact that you haven’t answered this, does that mean that you don’t have this for me?”
We hear so much in Christian circles, like the word to wait on the Lord. But, God, what does it even mean to wait on you?
Does that look like just sitting there and not doing anything because we’re told to not take control? Or does that look like actively pursuing the thing that you put on our heart, the thing that we desire?
That’s really kind of the place in my story where God just started to answer so many of these questions through a very long process, and that’s the encouragement I hope to share with others who are in that as well.
Ellen Krause: You mentioned in your book that God cares not only what we’re waiting for, but about who we’re becoming while we wait.
Kaci Harlow: Mm-hmm.
Ellen Krause: And so, looking back on one of those waiting seasons, maybe the one you even just mentioned in your own life, what did God end up forming in you that might never have happened if you simply hadn’t have gone through that waiting period?
Kaci Harlow: So much. First of all, I don’t think I’d be talking to you today. I don’t think I’d be doing so many of the things that I’m doing in terms of speaking, writing, my YouTube channel, sharing biblical truth and encouragement, the book that’s gonna come out.
Because for me, it was really in that space of waiting that those purposes are things that God began to unearth. But it didn’t start with that outward portion. It started with deepening my relationship with Him.
Because for me, I grew up in a Christian home, grew up going to church, knew all of the right answers in Sunday school. But for me, it wasn’t until life stopped working for me in the way that I had planned it and imagined it and wanted it to go that God really began to get a hold of my heart.
I feel like whenever I’m getting to know somebody new and learning their story and just hearing about how they came to the Lord or a time that they grew spiritually, they never describe an easy time.
They always describe a difficult time, a time when life just wasn’t going the way that they planned, when they went through suffering. God tends to use those difficult times in our lives to really get a hold of our hearts.
And so I think the two biggest things that really came out of that were intimacy with the Lord, understanding who He is, who I am in light of Him, and then purposes that flowed from that.
That also impacts the purposes I have today as well of being a wife and a mom, that God graciously did give those longings.
But I think they look so vastly different because of that waiting period and everything that God did in me than they would have looked if they had happened when I wanted them to happen.
Ellen Krause: Absolutely. You know, you mentioned this intimacy with God, and having been in a mom’s ministry for over 20 years, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a woman say, “I wouldn’t trade that hard time now for anything.”
Kaci Harlow: Mm.
Ellen Krause: Because it’s when I grew closest to the Lord. So many people can resonate with that, but it’s still so hard because I think there’s sometimes an assumption that if we really trust God, we shouldn’t feel disappointed with Him or what He’s doing in our life.
Kaci Harlow: Mm-hmm.
Ellen Krause: But that’s just really not the case.
Kaci Harlow: Nope.
Ellen Krause: It is possible to be disappointed with God. Tell us how someone goes about doing that who might be feeling that right now.
Kaci Harlow: I think that when we’re wrestling with God and have these disappointments, being able to actually bring those before Him honestly is indicative of a genuine relationship with Him than feeling like we, you know, are supposed to just understand all the things and not have any doubts or any questions.
I think that God desires for us to bring our questions, to bring our doubts, to bring our struggle to trust to Him.
We see all throughout the Psalms. I think David is such a beautiful example where he really wrestles with God.
Like, yes, he writes the Psalms of praise and the Psalms of victory, but he also writes the Psalms of lament, and he writes the Psalms when he didn’t understand what God was doing.
And I think it’s so beautiful to watch how David wrestles with his disappointment or with not understanding, and he brings that to God.
But then oftentimes we’ll see in the Psalms that at the end of the psalm, he is speaking truth to his own heart.
I think if you were to think about the people in your life that you’re closest to, they’re not the people you pretend with.
They’re not the people who, when they ask you how you’re doing and you’ve got a lot going on, you feel like you need to just say, “Everything’s fine, it’s good,” and put the smiling face on.
The people in your life who you’re closest to are the people who you can be real about exactly what’s going on.
And I would even argue that they’re the people you’re closest to because you have taken that risk at some point to vulnerably open up to them.
God wants the same thing for us.
Something else that just really encouraged me in my own waiting story when it came to wrestling, because I think I sometimes felt that guilt as well, like, “Man, I’ve wavered in my faith. I’ve doubted that God is good to me. I’ve wondered what He’s doing.”
But if you look at the life of Abraham, Abraham waited 25 years for God to fulfill the promise He made to him for a son through whom would eventually come the nation of Israel.
And Abraham, you know, if you read his whole story, he did not have perfect faith.
He struggled, he wavered. There were times that he tried to step in and help God fulfill His word because he didn’t believe that God was going to do it himself.
Yet when we get to the end of Abraham’s story, we’re told in Scripture that God credited to Abraham his imperfect faith as righteousness.
His receiving the promise didn’t depend on him having perfect faith because God was still faithful to Abraham, even amidst Abraham’s imperfect faith.
And our stories aren’t about how perfect our faith is to then earn some sort of blessing.
Our stories are about the faithfulness of God, which persists even amidst the times that we doubt.
And we’re told in First or Second Timothy that God is faithful to us even when we are faithless.
And so my encouragement is to just bring that to God because He’s going to do a lot with it.
Ellen Krause: Yes, He most certainly will.
One of the things you mentioned in your book was that sometimes bringing that disappointment means sharing your story with someone else who can pray for you or be a spiritual guide.
How have those types of people and pouring out to them really helped you during seasons like this?
Kaci Harlow: Community is so crucial. We were not meant to walk this life alone.
And the picture I have in my mind is of Moses and Aaron and Hur on the two sides of him, where Moses has to keep his hands raised for the Israelites to be winning this battle.
But the battle is continuing on for a long time, and his arms are tired, and he has these two friends who come alongside of him and who hold up their hands.
God has called each of us to a unique path that’s gonna involve both unique callings and exciting things that He’s asking us to do, but that might also feel scary, but also unique hardships that will involve waiting or difficulty.
And we can’t do any of it alone.
In a sense, we’re the only ones who can do it, meaning our friends can’t walk through those things with us, but they can be alongside of us holding up our arms, and we need that.
We can’t do without them.
Ellen Krause: We sure can’t, no.
You know, when we pray about something for a really long time and nothing seems to be changing, how do we keep unanswered prayer from becoming evidence in our minds that God doesn’t hear us or He doesn’t care about us?
Because I think the temptation for that is real.
Kaci Harlow: When you’re living with an unmet desire and something that you’re praying for that God hasn’t answered yet, that in and of itself is painful, and it can bring a sense of hopelessness.
But what I personally realize is that what brings far more hopelessness is the incorrect view of God that we can start to develop as we try to make sense of that unanswered prayer.
Meaning, as you know, humans, we’re gonna come up with an explanation for something.
If I’ve got a friend who maybe I’ve reached out to her and I’m waiting to hear back from her about something that’s really important to me, and she hasn’t gotten back to me. And then another day goes by, and another day goes by, and I still haven’t heard back from her.
My brain is going to try to explain why that’s happening. And so I can either go into a generous explanation of, “She’s got a lot going on,” or I can go into that explanation of, “Maybe she doesn’t care about me anymore.”
And if you think about it, like, okay, yeah, I want to hear back from my friend about this answer that’s really important to me. That’s disappointing.
But what’s far weightier is this belief I’ve now started to create in my head that this friend who means so much to me doesn’t even care about me.
And that’s what we do with God.
We can start to think like, “Is God playing favorites? Does He care about them and not me? Is He good to them and not to me?”
And that incorrect view of His character is so much weightier, so much more hopeless than even being without the thing that we desire.
We have to ensure that the explanation we come up with aligns with what we know to be true of His character in Scripture.
Because the thing is, our circumstances change, our feelings change, but the Word of God does not change.
And that is where we learn the things that are true about His character, that He is good, that He is faithful, that He has not forgotten us, that He has good plans.
And it’s so hard to hold on to those things when it feels like everything happening in our lives or everything not happening in our lives is evidence of the opposite.
But we have to submit the experience of those things to the truth we see of what God’s character is in His Word.
And that’s gonna give us faith to hold on to, okay, who God is in the pages of Scripture is still who He is today.
And I don’t see what He’s doing, but so many of these characters didn’t see what He was doing as well.
And we fill our minds with those stories that ultimately point to His character, and that becomes the handhold that we hold on to when everything around us is uncertain.
Ellen Krause: Absolutely. And I know for me as well, I need to ground myself in knowing, in the worst of circumstances, I may not ever understand why here on earth—
Kaci Harlow: Hmm.
Ellen Krause: But I can trust that God, His sovereignty on that side of heaven, will someday understand. And it’s probably gonna be a pretty magnificent explanation as to why He allowed X, Y, or Z to happen or not to happen.
Kaci Harlow: Yeah.
Ellen Krause: Well, Kaci, you mentioned as you were going through some of your hard times that it can be really tempting to compare our paths to somebody else’s path, you know, that they seem like they’re receiving all the things that we’re hoping for.
How do we fight that kind of comparison?
Kaci Harlow: I remember sharing one time a post about comparison on Instagram.
And I had a friend of mine from church who, you know, at the time when I wrote this post, I was single and longing for marriage, longing to become a mom.
And this friend was, I believe, married with two or three kids. And she messaged me, and she was like, “It was so crazy reading about the things that you compare yourself to, because I look at you and compare myself to you.”
And it was just such this reminder to me that we don’t know anybody’s path.
Right. Like, we can look and feel like, okay, this person had the thing that we wanted, but maybe for them that was a different plan than what they had expected or what they had imagined for their life to go.
And we don’t want to miss what God has for us.
I had a dream one time in this waiting season that I was out to dinner with friends, and we had all ordered our food.
And all of my friends’ food started to come, and they were eating, and I was looking around and I was kind of hoping the waiter would come by and be like, “Yours will be right out,” but he didn’t.
And so I’m just sitting there being like, “Okay, where’s my food?”
By the time my food gets here, are they all gonna be done and I’m gonna be left to eat alone?
And something that I realized in that dream is the reason that my food didn’t come out at the same time as my friends is because I hadn’t ordered the same thing that they had ordered.
I feel like God really just used that to remind me that He has good plans for each of our lives that are unique and special to each of our lives.
He doesn’t have the same things in mind for me that He has for you, that He has for the person listening to this.
And the reality is that sometimes they take differing amounts of time to prepare. He’s doing different things in all of our lives.
But when we covet after what God has given someone else and long for that, we end up missing the unique good thing, the good meal that He is preparing for us.
The best way I would say to combat that is to just ask God for eyes to see all the good things that He is doing in your life right now.
And I know that’s so hard and so hard to hear when it feels like the one thing you want most, maybe the thing that feels like it’s preventing you from really moving forward with your life.
But I guarantee that there’s beautiful, good things that God is doing right now.
This season isn’t a waste. It isn’t second best. It isn’t, you know, the prequel before your life really gets going, even if it feels like that.
And then my other encouragement too would be to just celebrate the people around you who are getting the thing that you’re praying for.
I know how deeply painful that can feel, but just knowing that the friends that God’s put in your life who love you, who are journeying with you, who are holding up your hands, they’re also going to be so excited to celebrate with you when those prayers get answered, or to celebrate with you right now in the unique things that God is doing in your life, even if they look different.
I remember it was so meaningful to me the very first time that God put it on my heart to do a speaking event.
I was like, “Well, this is really scary to me,” but I told God that I would obey and say yes. And so I did.
And when the day of the speaking event came, in the front row were two of my best friends who were married and who were starting to think about having babies.
And, you know, that was what I was really longing for and desiring.
But here God was bringing me into these new purposes that I hadn’t even imagined.
And those friends were in the front row. They were in completely different seasons, but they were there to support me.
Ellen Krause: I love what you said about remembering God’s faithfulness in the past because I know for me, I think back. I didn’t have my first child until I was 30, and my third one, my last one, at 35.
Kaci Harlow: Mm. Same. Okay.
Ellen Krause: And I do remember exactly what you described, like sometimes those feelings of everybody’s farther along than I am.
And now it’s so interesting to look back and see God’s faithfulness on what He was doing differently and why He did things differently.
Because at the time, we don’t understand, but later on, it’s interesting to see how God wove that story into a picture we did not know He was making.
Kaci Harlow: For sure.
And it’s cool to think too, even as you’re saying, like feeling behind and seeing, you know, having your first child at 30, like looking at what you all are doing through Coffee and Bible Time, what Ashley and Taylor are doing and every human being on this earth, like there’s an exact purpose or a time in history that God needed that child to be born.
And so I think sometimes with the things we’re waiting on, we see it as our story and like our timeline for our lives.
But in reality, oftentimes what God is doing through us, or the thing that we’re waiting for, yes, it’s a blessing to us, but it also has purposes much bigger than us.
And God has an appointed time in history.
Like I think of the women throughout Scripture who longed for a child and it didn’t happen when they wanted it to happen.
Elizabeth was, I think, what, in her 80s or 90s when she had John the Baptist, but he needed to be born at a specific time to prepare the way for Jesus.
And it makes me think of my own story too, of just like, you know, we have two children now, two toddlers, and our third is on the way.
And even though marriage and motherhood didn’t happen for me on the timeline that it did, I look at our children and I’m just like, I know that God has such beautiful purposes on your life.
Again, like He does for each person listening to this.
And you needed to be born at this exact moment in history because God only knows the things that He’s gonna do through you.
Ellen Krause: Yes.
Well, one of the hardest questions in a season of waiting is, do I keep praying for this, or is God asking me to let it go?
Kaci Harlow: Mm-hmm.
Ellen Krause: How do we discern whether a desire is something we’re supposed to keep praying for or whether God is actually asking us to surrender it?
Kaci Harlow: That’s so tricky.
And I think that’s one of the hardest parts of waiting too, is because there’s a vulnerability that comes along with continuing to pray, continuing to hope, because there’s that fear that starts to creep in that says, “Well, but what if He doesn’t have this for you? What if all this faith and all this prayer and all this trusting is for nothing?”
And a realization that I came to is that in reality, if there’s something, a desire that’s on my heart that I really, really want, there’s really only three things I can do with that.
One, I can worry about it. And biblically, worrying is not an option that we’re commanded to. We’re commanded to not worry about anything, but in everything to present our requests to the Lord with thanksgiving.
And so that kind of eliminates the option of worry, not saying that we’re never gonna be tempted with that, but that’s not the option we want to encourage.
And then the other two options would be to try to put it out of our minds, to try to numb ourselves to that desire.
I think that when you really want something, that’s really not all that effective.
And I think if we try to numb ourselves to the desire, we’re eventually going to end up numbing ourselves to God and all the good things He’s doing as well.
And so the third option of what we can do is pray about it.
The fear obviously comes up of what if we keep praying for this thing and it’s not even something that God has.
But the beautiful thing about prayer is that as we’re praying about something, God is going to change whether that is us or our circumstances.
He’s going to either eventually bring us to a place where our hearts align with, okay, maybe this isn’t the thing that He has for me. This isn’t the path He has for me right now.
Or He’s eventually going to change our circumstances.
But prayer is never wasted.
That was deepening your intimacy with the Lord. That was Him working in your heart in such powerful ways that we miss if we simply just try to numb those things.
And another really, really powerful realization for me was in Deuteronomy 29, verse 29, which says, “The secret things belong to the Lord, but the revealed things belong to us and to our children to do them forever.”
So often we want to know the details, we want answers, we want clarity.
And what that verse is saying is that there are certain things that we aren’t meant to know in this moment.
We don’t know what tomorrow holds. We don’t know how His plans for our life are gonna unfold.
But it says the secret things belong to God, meaning that those things are in His care.
He is working out the details, He has not forgotten, He is taking care of it.
But what has been revealed is what belongs to us.
And what’s revealed to us is what’s made known to us in His Word: all the promises that are known to us in His Word, His commandments for us to seek Him, to love others, to share Him with others, to become more like Him.
Perhaps I don’t know the details of His plan right now. Perhaps because I’m not meant to know the details of His plan, but I can trust that He’s got it, He’s carrying it, He’s holding those things.
And my responsibility is to be faithful with what He has made clear to me, what He’s called me to do today.
And in time, as I keep walking that road, He’s gonna make the rest of it clear as well.
Ellen Krause: Yes. That’s so great, Kaci.
Well, as we start to kind of wrap things up here, I want to talk about trusting God when the answer never comes.
If God never answers the particular prayer that you’re waiting on, how do we get to a place where we can still honestly say, “God, I trust you”?
Kaci Harlow: Hmm. That is such a hard question.
And I think the most encouraging realization is that we’re not going to get to that place on our own. We don’t have to get to that place on our own.
Meaning, as we wrestle with God through the pain, the disappointment, God is doing work in our heart, and He’s eventually going to help bring us to that place.
And we’re still choosing to trust Him, but we’re not alone in it. He’s with us in it. He is shaping our hearts in it.
And I think the other biggest, most encouraging thing when it comes to this question is what you mentioned earlier in our conversation.
And that is that this is not our forever home, that our ultimate hope isn’t in this life.
And that doesn’t mean that this life doesn’t matter and that our desires here don’t matter.
But ultimately, there’s something so much better, pun intended, I guess, coming.
And that is heaven with Jesus, the day that we see Him face to face and the day that we’re fully restored to right relationship with Him.
One of the things that was most powerful for me in waiting is kind of what we were talking about before, this idea that God cares about our desires, but He also cares even more about who we’re becoming while we wait.
And if we view, you know, just whether or not He’s answering the desire of our hearts as an indication of whether or not He loves us, well, then when we’re without that thing, then we’re gonna feel like He doesn’t love us.
It’s so easy for us to view the purpose of this life as our fulfillment.
Even as Christians, when we know that that’s not the right answer, we think that the purpose of this life is for our comfort, for things to feel easy for us, for our desires to be fulfilled.
And so when those things aren’t happening, we feel like our life isn’t fulfilled.
But in reality, the goal of this life is to know God, to help other people know God, and ultimately to grow into His image for that day that we see Him, because that is our forever hope in our home.
Ellen Krause: And I would just add to that, that if you’re feeling in that position right now, that you can also pray and ask God to give you more peace about the situation.
And that maybe this thing that you’re so longing for, God maybe won’t give it to you, but He will help prepare your heart to accept that.
And I’m thinking of just the example recently that I’ve had in my own life where I always hoped that, you know, my family would live close together, but, you know, not my way, but God’s ways.
And then Ashley moved to Iowa. Okay, you know, we got through that.
And then the next thing I know, God wants them to move to Puerto Rico, and Johnny’s accepting a calling there.
And I just remember how my heart felt so broken about taking my grandson.
Kaci Harlow: Mm.
Ellen Krause: But through time, God has shown me, has given me the perfect peace of knowing that they’re exactly where they’re supposed to be.
Kaci Harlow: Hmm.
Ellen Krause: And He has softened my heart to see that so that I don’t feel that pain constantly of what I was longing for, hoping for, that was taken away.
Kaci Harlow: Yeah. Hmm. That’s so beautiful.
I think that’s such a truth to hold to, is for that person who is living with that waiting, that unanswered prayer, that the pain that comes with that, what you’re feeling now is not what you’re always gonna feel.
And it is exactly what you’re saying, that either God is going to lead you into that thing, or He’s gonna bring your heart to a place where there might still be that twinge.
Like you said, I’m sure that you still wish you could see Ashley more and Johnny and your grandson.
So it’s not to say that there won’t be that twinge, but where you have this peace of seeing God’s purpose in it.
And so I think that that’s such a beautiful encouragement for the listener: you’re not always gonna feel this tension of pain.
God is gonna bring about a change one way or the other as you continue to trust Him and seek Him. It’s so good.
Ellen Krause: Yeah.
Well, Kaci, one parting comment I want you to talk about, and that is just if someone’s listening to this right now and is feeling heartbroken about the season they’re in, what would you say would be the first step she would take?
Kaci Harlow: First of all, I just want to say that I see you. God sees you most importantly.
And my biggest encouragement to you is to seek Him in this because He is just going to do things through that intimacy with Him as you get to know His heart more that are truly so much better than anything that you could imagine.
God stands outside of time, and He has already written all your days, beginning to end. Nothing can thwart the good plans that He has for your life.
And so continue to press into Him, even in the pain, because in that it is creating these deep roots that are eventually going to bring about beautiful fruit in your life as well.
Ellen Krause: So true. And speaking about so much better, that is the Kaci. Where can listeners go to learn more about you and your new book?
Kaci Harlow: Yeah, so the book is available anywhere books are sold, Amazon, Barnes & Noble. You can go to my website, which is just kacinicole.com, to learn more about it as well.
And the book also does have a companion Bible study with it. So if you’re a part of a small group or women’s ministry and want to do a workbook kind of unpacking in it, we go through six of the key ways that God works through waiting seasons.
And it’s got both a workbook and a video curriculum as well. And so if you’re a part of a small group, that is also a great option. Yeah.
Ellen Krause: Awesome. All right. Well, we will make sure we include those links in our show notes.
Before I let you go, I have to do our rapid-fire questions here.
Kaci Harlow: Yes.
Ellen Krause: What is your go-to Bible, and what translation is it?
Kaci Harlow: It is. I’ve got it here. My ESV single-column journaling Bible. I think this one was from the Daily Grace Co. And I love it.
Ellen Krause: Yes, that’s an awesome one.
Okay. Do you have any favorite Bible journaling supplies that you like to use?
Kaci Harlow: I love the Mr. Pen Bible highlighters, all the cute little aesthetic colors.
And my favorite way to use the Bible highlighters is when I’m writing notes in the margins of my Bible. I’ll write the note and then kind of draw a little box around it and highlight that box in the same color that I’ll then highlight the verse that the note is about.
Because I start to fill up the sides with a bunch of notes to visually connect, here’s what verse this note is about.
Ellen Krause: That’s such a great idea.
Lastly, what is your favorite app or website for Bible study tools?
Kaci Harlow: I love the Enduring Word Commentary app. There’s so many great online tools, but that is probably the one that I use most.
Ellen Krause: Yes, an awesome site. All right.
Kaci Harlow: Mm-hmm.
Ellen Krause: Well, Kaci, thank you so much for being here and just sharing so honestly about what it looks like to trust God in seasons of waiting. I appreciate you.
Kaci Harlow: Mm-hmm. Thank you.
Thank you so much for having me, and just thank you for your wisdom and your ministry. You all are just such a blessing and just continuing to pray for the work that God is doing through you guys.
Ellen Krause: Thank you so much, Kaci.
And listener, if you’re in a season of waiting right now, I hope you remember that God’s silence doesn’t mean He’s absent, and an unanswered prayer doesn’t mean He’s forgotten you.
You can bring your disappointment, your questions, and even your weariness to Him and keep trusting who He is, even when you don’t understand what He’s doing.
And if this episode encouraged you, we’d love for you to leave a review or comment and let us know what stood out to you.
And if you know someone who’s in a difficult season right now of waiting, I hope you’ll share this episode with that person. I know it will encourage them as much as it has encouraged me.
Well, thank you for listening. We’ll see you next time on the Coffee and Bible Time podcast. Have a blessed day.
Unanswered Prayers: The Struggle of Waiting
What do you do when you’ve been praying about something for months—or even years—and God still hasn’t answered?
Unanswered prayers can be one of the most difficult struggles people have with their faith. You may believe God is good—and still feel disappointed.
You may trust that He hears you—and still wonder why He hasn’t answered.
On the Coffee and Bible Time Podcast, Ellen Krause recently sat down with Kaci Nicole Harlow to talk about what it looks like to trust God when we’re still waiting for something we deeply desire.
Kaci shares from her own long season of waiting for marriage and motherhood, and offers biblical encouragement for anyone who feels discouraged, forgotten, or simply tired of waiting.
What Do We Do With Unanswered Prayers?
One of the hardest things about unanswered prayers is that they leave us to wrestle with the absence of an answer.
We might wonder:
These questions can become especially painful when we know we’re praying for something good.
Maybe you’re asking for a spouse, a child, a job, direction, healing in a relationship, or a change in your circumstances…and when the answer doesn’t come, it’s easy to begin interpreting God’s silence in ways that the Bible simply doesn’t support.
Our danger isn’t just the pain of living with an unmet desire. We can also begin developing an incorrect view of God’s character because of our unanswered prayers.
That’s why unanswered prayers can become a spiritual battle—not because God has changed, but because we’re tempted to believe that He has.
Unanswered Prayers Don’t Change Who God Is
When our circumstances are confusing, we need something more dependable than our circumstances to tell us who God is.
Kaci explains:
“Our circumstances change, our feelings change, but the word of God does not change.”
Kaci Nicole
Your circumstances may seem to suggest that God has forgotten you. Your unanswered prayers might make you think that He doesn’t love you. Your emotions may tell you that you’re alone. Other people’s lives may make you wonder if God is blessing everyone except you.
But God’s character isn’t determined by what you can currently see.
Scripture reminds us of what is true about Him: He is good. He is faithful. He has not forgotten us.
Kaci says:
“We have to submit the experience of those things to the truth we see of what God’s character is in his word.”
This doesn’t mean pretending you’re not disappointed. It doesn’t mean forcing yourself to feel happy about unanswered prayers.
It means allowing God’s Word to interpret your circumstances instead of allowing your circumstances to redefine God.
You Can Be Disappointed and Still Trust God
Sometimes Christians feel guilty for being disappointed with God.
We may think that if we truly trusted Him, we wouldn’t have questions. We wouldn’t feel sad. We wouldn’t struggle with doubt. Maybe we wouldn’t even have unanswered prayers.
But the Bible gives us a different picture.
Kaci invites us to see honestly bringing our disappointments to Him as a part of growing closer to Him.
Think about the people you’re closest to. You don’t have to pretend everything is fine with them. You can tell them when you’re confused, hurt, or struggling.
God invites us into that kind of honest relationship with Him, too.
So if you’re struggling with unanswered prayers, don’t run away from God because you’re disappointed: run toward Him with your disappointment.
Tell Him what you wanted. Tell Him what hurts. Tell Him what you don’t understand.
And keep talking to Him.
Should You Keep Praying or Let Go?
One of the most difficult questions surrounding unanswered prayers is whether we should keep asking God for the thing we want or surrender it completely.
Kaci offers a helpful perspective: there are essentially three ways we can respond to a deep desire.
- We can worry about it.
- We can numb ourselves to it.
- Or we can bring it to God in prayer.
Scripture gives us a clear alternative to worry.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
Philippians 4:6
Prayer isn’t wasted simply because we don’t yet have an answer.
God may change the circumstances. He may change our hearts. He may reveal that our desires need to change. Or, He may eventually answer the prayer in a way we couldn’t have anticipated.
But while we’re waiting, prayer continues to deepen our relationship with Him.
You don’t have to know what God will do in order to keep bringing your desires to Him.
What Is God Doing While You Wait?
God cares not only about what we’re waiting for, but who we’re becoming while we wait.
Kaci experienced this personally.
She entered a long season of waiting for marriage and motherhood. But during that time, God began developing her relationship with Him and opening doors to purposes she hadn’t anticipated—including speaking, writing, teaching, and encouraging other women.
She explains:
“It started with deepening my relationship with Him.”
That’s an important perspective for anyone experiencing unanswered prayers.
We often think the waiting season is simply the period before our “real” life begins. But what if God is doing something significant right now?
What if this season isn’t just a precursor for what you really want?
What if God is developing perseverance, dependence, compassion, wisdom, faith, or intimacy with Him in ways that wouldn’t happen otherwise?
Kaci offers this encouragement:
“This season isn’t a waste. It isn’t second best. It isn’t the prequel before your life really gets going, even if it feels like that.”
Kaci Nicole
Your life isn’t on hold simply because a particular prayer hasn’t been answered.
God is still working.
Don’t Let Comparison Make Your Waiting Harder
Unanswered prayers can become especially painful when it seems like everyone around us is receiving the very things we’re asking God for.
Someone else gets married.
Someone else has a baby.
Someone else gets the job.
Someone else’s circumstances seem to fall perfectly into place.
Meanwhile…you’re still waiting.
“We don’t know anybody’s path,” Kaci says.
We see a snapshot of someone else’s life, but we don’t know everything God is doing in it.
“He doesn’t have the same things in mind for me that he has for you, that he has for the person listening to this.”
When you’re struggling with unanswered prayers, ask God for eyes to see what He is doing in your life right now.
Celebrate the people around you. And remember that someone else’s answered prayer isn’t evidence that God has forgotten you.
Be Faithful With What God Has Made Clear Today
One of the most comforting Scriptures Kaci discusses is Deuteronomy 29:29:
The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.
Deuteronomy 29:29
We often want to know the whole story, preferably before it’s written.
We want to know when the prayer will be answered, how it will happen, and why God is making us wait.
But we aren’t always given those answers. What we are given is God’s Word and His instructions for today.
Kaci explains:
“My responsibility is to be faithful with what he has made clear to me, what he’s called me to do today.”
You may not know what God is going to do six months from now.
You may not know whether the answer to your prayer will be yes, no, or something entirely different from what you imagined.
And sometimes, faithfulness looks less like knowing the destination and more like taking the next step.

7 Things to Remember When You’re Facing Unanswered Prayers
If you’re currently living with unanswered prayers, here are a few practical reminders from Kaci’s story and biblical encouragement:
1. Bring your disappointment to God.
You don’t have to hide your questions or pretend you’re not hurting. Talk honestly with God about what you’re experiencing.
2. Keep praying.
You don’t have to stop praying simply because you don’t know what God intends to do. Prayer itself is part of your relationship with Him.
3. Anchor yourself in God’s character.
When your circumstances are confusing, return to what Scripture tells you is true about God.
4. Resist comparison.
Someone else’s timeline isn’t a measurement of God’s love for you.
5. Look for what God is doing now.
Your waiting season isn’t necessarily empty. Ask God to show you how He is growing you and where He is inviting you to be faithful.
6. Trust God with what you cannot know.
You don’t have to uncover the “secret things.” You can faithfully respond to what God has already revealed.
7. Remember that this life isn’t the end of the story.
Kaci offers this encouragement:
“This is not our forever home, that our ultimate hope isn’t in this life.”
Our hope isn’t ultimately found in getting every prayer answered exactly as we want. Our ultimate hope is in God Himself.
God Has Not Forgotten You
Unanswered prayers can hurt deeply. Waiting can be exhausting. And trusting God doesn’t mean that you’ll never feel disappointed or wonder what He’s doing.
But God’s silence doesn’t mean He’s absent. An unanswered prayer doesn’t mean you’ve been forgotten. And a waiting season doesn’t mean your life is on hold.
Kaci’s story is a reminder that God can use the very seasons we wish would end to deepen our relationship with Him, shape our character, and prepare us for things we cannot yet see.
So if you’re waiting right now, keep bringing your desires to God.
Keep praying. Keep seeking Him. Keep grounding yourself in His Word.
And be faithful with what He’s placed in front of you today.
You may not know what tomorrow holds, but you can trust the One who does.
Listen to the Coffee and Bible Time Podcast

So Much Better
What if your waiting isn’t wasted time―but sacred ground where God is doing His deepest work?
God cares deeply about the desires of your heart, but He cares even more about the person you’re becoming while you wait.
So, if you feel stuck, impatient, or unsure where God is in your story, let Kaci come alongside you as a friend to remind you of the One who makes every season purposeful, beautiful, and ultimately―so much better.


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