Ashley’s Journal. Entry #2 | I need you.

I have journal after journal full of prayers and petitions to the Lord. This prayer (above), is just one of many. For around three years now, I have been struggling with food problems, binge eating, gluttony, self-control, surrender, body image, and control issues. That’s not easy to say. Every part of me wants to reach “perfection,” but God has been teaching me that perfection shouldn’t be my goal. Instead, He needs to be my goal. Closer intimacy with my Father should be the goal of my life. At the end of the day, this thorn in my flesh has brought me closer to Him. I constantly ask God to draw me closer to Him – and He has answered my prayer in a way that I never thought. It’s through this hardship that I have come to know my Dad.

Although I cry out to God for deliverance daily, He hasn’t delivered me from this hardship yet. I can rejoice with full confidence. I thank God for where He has me. I write this with a smile on my face because, although He hasn’t delivered me from this struggle, He has blessed me with a closer relationship to Him. That is priceless to me. 

Through this, I have been humbled. God has been my teacher, I have been His little student: 

I have learned that I am weak, and that I need Him EVERYDAY to help me run this race. 

I have learned that I am not strong on my own.

I have learned that hardships refine us. 

I have learned that He alone satisfies. 

I have learned more of His grace, patience, and gentle character. 

I have learned that this place is not my home. I long for a better day. 

I have learned that God’s idea of triumph is a lot different than mine. 

I have learned more of who my Father is and what it looks like to spend time with Him.

I have learned that He is sovereign over all. 

I have learned much much more, and I hope to keep learning until the day I leave this earth. 

That being said, I still pray for a day that God would deliver me from this stronghold in my life. BUT, I pray it would be in His timing and in His way. I pray that as long as I have this thorn in my flesh, I would learn to lean fully on Him. I ask that God would teach me, grow me, shape me, and mold me as much as He possibly can while I am in this season of my life. I ask that I would know Him better :)) that’s what I want the most… and if it means that this thorn in my flesh will remain… SO BE IT! Thank you Jesus! I praise you Jesus!!! I need you Jesus!!!

2 Corinthians 12: 7-10 

“Therefore, so that I would not become arrogant, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to trouble me—so that I would not become arrogant. I asked the Lord three times about this, that it would depart from me. But he said to me, “My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may reside in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, with insults, with troubles, with persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.” 

If you need more scripture to encourage you, PLEASE read and meditate on Psalm 34. It has been a HUGE encouragement to me! 

All Glory to God!

Ashley Krause 

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