When You’re Emotionally Exhausted: Faith for the Hard Days with Victoria Arlen

Victoria Arlen [introduction]: We are going to go through valleys, and we’re going to fall down. Trust me, there’s been times where I didn’t want to climb anymore. But if I’ve learned anything, that breakdown moment is the key that unlocks the breakthrough. The toughest climbs have the prettiest views, but you just have to keep climbing. And it’s okay to get tired. It’s okay to have moments of doubt and question. Like, even Jesus himself found himself in the wilderness. Like, it’s okay. You just gotta keep going.

Ellen Krause: Welcome back to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast. I’m Ellen, your host. Have you ever noticed how often in scripture the hardest moments come after the miracle? Characters in the Bible like Elijah, Mary, or Paul all had what we might call mountaintop moments with God, but they were followed by seasons of trial.

Well, our guest today knows that tension deeply. Victoria Arlen is a Paralympic gold medalist, ESPN broadcaster, and someone whose story of healing has inspired millions. But what many people don’t see is what came after.

Victoria, welcome to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.

Victoria Arlen: Thank you for having me.

Ellen Krause: I am just so thrilled to have you with us. And before we jump in, since you’re an ESPN, you know, sports person, I just have to ask you who you are rooting for in the Final Four.

Victoria Arlen: I don’t. I was so bad last year at my picks that I learned this year to be more of a far-out rooter. But I’ve lived in Connecticut the last couple of years, so I feel like I have to go UConn. I also just feel like the times I haven’t rooted for UConn, it’s turned around and smacked me in the face a little bit.

But honestly, as cheesy as this might sound, I’m rooting for all of them because the fact how you made it there is so phenomenal that any of them deserve to win. That’s really, that’s a vague answer.

Ellen Krause: Yeah. Right. Okay. Well, I’m not going to be quite so nice. Like, in my book, there’s only one winning team, and that is Fighting Illini, my alma mater. We are, like, excited beyond excited for them. But I will agree with you, UConn is going to be a tough battle. But hey, you know, we’re up for it.

Victoria Arlen: Okay, all right. Fair enough. I mean, yes, that’s the thing. That’s what makes it so fun.

Ellen Krause: Yeah, right. It’s been so exciting.

Well, I love just how multifaceted you are. Your story is just so incredible. But for people that are listening who maybe don’t know about your story, can you just share a little bit briefly to kind of set the stage for where we’re going here?

Victoria Arlen: Yeah, absolutely. I developed these two really rare neurological conditions when I was 11, so almost 20 years ago, actually. And I went from being a very healthy, active child to being not only paralyzed but in a vegetative state.

So the doctors wrote me off as a lost cause. Good thing, though, is I have an amazing family mom who just surrendered to God and said, “They’ve given up, but I know you haven’t.”

So my recovery can only be described as a miracle. And we have had some doctors who were skeptical about the whole faith thing say, “You know, you’re making me believe in something because nobody survives this, let alone can be having a conversation talking about their experience.”

And that is where my family found the Lord. It’s where I found the Lord because I was essentially locked in for four years, but I could see and hear everything. Hear me, but God could.

And so that’s where, you know, 11, 12, 13, 14 years old, I just was like, “Okay, gosh.”

A time where it was really bad, and I remember just making this promise with God and saying, “God, you need to take me, take me. But if there’s a chance that I survive this, if you give me my voice back, but not just my voice, my life back, I will use it to change the world. I’ll use it to help people. I won’t waste a single moment.”

God kept his end of the bargain, so I’m doing my best every day to live up to that promise too.

Ellen Krause: Well, I just enjoyed learning so much about your story that you just described, and not only that, but just your real feelings behind it, like things that were going through your mind and your head.

You know, you would think that surviving something like that would be the hardest part. But you’ve said that the real battle is what came after. Tell us what that was for you and what that looked like from day to day.

Victoria Arlen: Hmm. I always would joke that there’s no manual for being a miracle. And I think with my miracle, as great as it was, it kind of went from, you know, “I’m out of this vegetative state, I’m back in school, then I’m in sports,” but my story got shared without my permission.

And so my story gets out there, and essentially that was just my trauma being glorified. So then I was given this superhero cape that I wasn’t equipped for. I wasn’t ready. I was a teenager, and all of a sudden there was this expectation and demand to be okay, to be this beacon of hope for people. But I was still trying to just find my footing.

And then I just anesthetized my pain by accomplishments and proving to everyone that I was okay. Because I have to be okay, because if I slow down, then I know I’m not okay.

And so I was in just this vicious cycle. And I think, you know, besides my family, there was a lot of people around that were making money off of me, that were using the story. So I realized, I’m like, “I just have to keep going,” not realizing that what I was feeling was not normal.

It wasn’t normal to wake up with a panic attack. It wasn’t normal to constantly be in this fight, flight, and freeze moment, or being so sad to the point where I was just feeling this drowning feeling.

It just kind of came to a breaking point where I couldn’t keep going at the rate in which I was going. All I had was energy to go to work and put on a face and put on the lashes and put on the makeup, and I could be this character. And then I’d be in my car debilitated trying to get to the grocery store, but I had such bad anxiety that I couldn’t even go to the grocery store.

And so I think what I realized was this wasn’t normal. You know, no one had that thought to say, “Hey, actually, how’s this handling you?”

And I remember I had this amazing therapist, and when we started working together, she said, “I want to ask, when I say the word fame, what comes to mind?”

And I immediately blurted out, “My trauma being glorified and no longer allowed to cry or be upset about it because it’s giving everyone hope.”

I remember in one of my really hard moments texting my mom and saying, “It was easier being in a vegetative state than it is getting out of bed every day.”

That’s heavy and painful it was, but then I had to go be okay on stages. I had to go be okay on TV, and I just couldn’t do it anymore.

And it really was a divine intervention why I’m still here, but it got so bad. And that’s where God really intervened.

Ellen Krause: Yeah, you know, I can see sort of this, yeah, conundrum that you were in. Like, God did this miracle, everybody’s seeing me now for hope for their own, or their child, or whoever. 

Victoria Arlen: Or whoever. Yeah. 

Ellen Krause: That’s so much weight and pressure. And then you not having processed what really happened to you. The weight of that just must have been enormous.

Tell us a little bit about what it was that sort of got you realizing that I do need to get some help.

Victoria Arlen: It took time.

I remember it was back in 2019. I was doing a lot of speaking tours, and I was traveling all over the country and was so burnt out. And I didn’t know this was anxiety. I didn’t know this was depression.

I remember I was in this gorgeous room overlooking the strip of Las Vegas, and I’m curled up in the fetal position, and I’m about to speak in front of thousands of people. And I’m, like, hyperventilating. I’m calling my mom and I’m like, “I can’t do this. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

And I wasn’t even fully saying how bad it was. I was like, “Maybe I’m tired,” or whatever. “And I just don’t know if I belong on that stage.”

And my mom said, “Ask for a sign. Let’s pray for a sign.”

So we prayed for a sign. I got myself together. I calmed myself down, and I went out on stage. And I kind of blacked out. Like, I don’t remember the speech at all, but I remember I put on the performance and I put on what I needed to.

And as I was leaving, they had gotten security for me because I was getting bombarded with people. So they’re escorting me, and then someone grabbed my shoulder. And I knew right away that it was a grab of like, “I need to listen to what this is.”

And the security was like, “We got it.”

And I was like, “Hold on a second.”

And I said, “Hi, sir, is everything okay?” Because he looked visibly like he had seen a ghost.

And he said to me, “You don’t know me, and I don’t know you until today. But I think you just saved my life.”

And I’m like, plot twist. Like, I’m just like, “Okay, please tell me more.”

And he goes, “I have been down and out.” I think he had been going through a separation or a divorce. Like, he was just in… everything that could go wrong had gone wrong for him in his life.

And he goes, “I had every intention and plan to take my life next Tuesday,” or something like that. There was a very specific date.

He goes, “I got all my affairs in order. I had everything packed up in my house. And the last thing I was doing to not raise flags was coming to this conference.”

He says, “I wasn’t even supposed to be at your speech.”

And he’s like, “And I walked in and I’m standing in the back, and there’s a part where I talk about being at rock bottom. And I said, ‘But you can choose to cry or choose to try. And you can still try and cry a little, but just put one foot in front of the other. Because even when it appears everything has fallen apart, there’s a way. There’s a path forward.’”

He said to me, “You’ve changed my plans. Hearing you reminded me that I should try.”

Like, “Do you need anything? Can I pray with you?”

We said a prayer, and he’s like, “You know,” he goes, “you’ve done a lot more for me than you realize.”

And then he just disappeared.

And I remember I wanted so badly to say, “I know how you feel.”

About two years later, I found myself in the middle of the night completely hopeless, and I understood that level of, “I just need the pain to stop.”

And what’s crazy is I had a plan. And then I called my mom to leave her a message, and it was like three in the morning. So I’m sure no one’s picking up the phone at 3 a.m. But I was like, “I need her to know it wasn’t her fault. But I am… I can’t do this anymore.”

And I had said to God, I was like, “I can’t do this anymore. I am at my wit’s end. It’s not getting better.”

And so I called her to leave a message, and on, like, the second-to-last ring she picks up. And she had happened to get up at some point doing something, and so she picked up her phone.

And then I was like, “Crap, she’s picked up the phone.”

And every part of me wanted to hang up, but then I just said to her, “I can’t do this anymore.”

And instead of meeting the situation with panic, with “Oh my gosh” —and she goes, “Don’t get me wrong, I was feeling all of that. I just felt God take over.”

And she just met the call with empathy. She met it with love. She met it with this support that I don’t even have the words for, but it was exactly what I needed.

And it was something where she just says, “I hear you, and it’s okay to not be okay.”

And I said to her, “I have not been okay for a very long time. And I don’t think I’ve been okay since before I got sick.”

And she says, “That’s okay. We can get through this.”

So she stayed on the phone with me until the sunrise, and then she drove down. And we made a plan. And nobody at work knew, no one anywhere knew, but we made a plan. And that plan was, “Let’s get you help. Let’s deal with this trauma. You don’t have to function like this anymore,” or lack thereof functioning.

It was so incredible because my entire family stepped up. And my dad happened to find himself just passing through the area—they live like three hours away—passing through the area and taking me to dinner or dropping me off meals. Or my mom took me to the grocery store during a very quiet time so we could reintroduce that back in, because I’d lost all this weight because I wasn’t eating.

I was just met with love, and it was like God’s way of saying, “Hey, I got you, and I’m going to deploy my people to be with you.”

But truthfully, that’s what started my path to healing and actually finding joy and actually accepting God’s love and actually really being able to be where I am today.

And what’s amazing is I started having conversations with friends and colleagues and realized so many people are struggling in plain sight. And that was really the inspiration with this book, because I kept searching for resources and I couldn’t find any. There was so much toxic positivity of just, “Get your butt out of bed.” A lot of shaming.

So I remember my mom being like, “I think God’s given you a sign, Victoria, that you need to write that book.”

And I wrote it from a place of not everyone has a mom that’s going to pick up the phone at 3 a.m., and not everybody knows what the next steps are. But also, I want so many other people to experience that too.

Ellen Krause: Yes. And I’m so glad that, you know, you put your vulnerability out there and did that, because you’ve done it so well.

You know, I’m hearing this from a mom of adult children perspective. And if there’s anyone listening who’s in those shoes, it just goes to show you, once a mom, you’re always a mom.

And I love how she was just able to minister to you through that, let God work in and through her to be able to help you.

Victoria, coming from a person who’s also had my own share of mental health struggles, I can’t say enough for how much therapy has helped me and redirected me and helped bring that joy back into my life.

Tell us just a little snippet into that part of your experience and some things maybe that you wrote related to that in your book that can help people.

Victoria Arlen: That’s a great question because I shout from the rooftops about therapy and how it’s changed my life and how my therapist is by far just such a game changer for me and still continues to be.

But it took time to find the right therapist. It’s like dating. You’re going to go on some bad dates, and then you find your person and you find the person that gets you and is ready to just jump in.

And so when I got connected with my therapist, she was able to allow me to earn that trust with her. Because there was a lot of abuse from doctors and nurses when I was in my vegetative state that I had never spoken about.

And one of the most powerful things she allowed me to unpack, if you will, was talking to that younger part of me.

Really with that, I was able to say to 11-year-old Victoria, “Hey, it’s okay. We’re gonna be okay.”

Just being able to get to those places because when you face it, as uncomfortable as it is—and I still will be there and like, “I don’t want to, I don’t want to”—but when you do, it doesn’t have power over you anymore.

That pain shows the purpose, shows the why, shows the how. It shows who you’ve become as a result of it.

And so I talk a lot also about there’s a purpose for your pain. You just have to be brave enough to see what that is.

And that was a huge thing with me, is that there was so much I didn’t understand.

Ellen Krause: Yeah.

Victoria Arlen: And I think whether it’s a therapist or—I mean, I first would talk to my grandma—it was something where you just need a safe space to share, and there are people that are willing to listen.

And it’s a crazy thing that when you release that, the load gets a little bit lighter. Your backpack isn’t as heavy with the pain and everything. And then you start to see the purpose, and it just makes it hurt a little less each time.

Ellen Krause: Absolutely. I couldn’t agree with you more.

And when you were saying that, the image of the backpack came to my mind too, that it’s just filled with these heavy rocks. And each session, you know, sometimes it’s a small rock, sometimes it’s a bigger one. But eventually over time, all of a sudden this huge weight is lifted, which, you know, gives you this path to experiencing joy and life more to the full.

Tell us about your faith journey through all this, your times of wrestling with God perhaps, and just how that has grown over time.

Victoria Arlen: Hmm. It’s been a journey.

For me, when I was little, I was very tuned into God, more so than even my parents. So much so that my prayers would be about 45 minutes long because I just had to pray for everyone. And she’s like, “Okay, all right, we’re going to have to push bedtime back a little bit.”

I was always aware of God. But then when I got sick, I went back and forth because I saw a lot of evil when I was really sick. That was really scary.

But in the midst of all of it, God kept showing up.

The moment I knew God was real was actually during one of the scariest parts of the vegetative state. We were in one of the rehab hospitals, and my mom at the time wasn’t allowed to stay with me because they had some policy, which they just wanted to be able to get away with doing not-so-kosher things.

This one nurse, I remember it was late at night, and she came in and she just lunged at me. And she was choking me. And she was choking me to the point where I was about to pass out.

And I can’t tell you how terrifying it is to not be able to fight back, let alone scream for help or anything.

And I remember at that point, it had been like three and a half years into this vegetative state, that fed up, I said, “God, take me now. This is your way of mercy. I would really like to not go this way, but also I got nothing left at this point.”

Right as I was about to pass out, her eyes widened and she let go. And then she just ran out of the room.

And as I’m gasping for air, but I can’t really control any of my body, I’m sitting there and I’m like, “Okay, God, I am officially now scared, and I’m officially now confused. If you needed to take me, why didn’t you just take me?”

“Okay, now I’m making this promise with you. If you give me back not just my voice, but my life, I will not waste a single moment. I’ll use it to change the world. I’ll help. I’ll speak up for people who can’t speak for themselves.”

And what’s crazy is, like, it was two weeks later I started blinking. And that was our miracle.

So it’s like I got brought to this breaking point, and then God showed up. And that was when I knew he listens and he’s here.

And as much as we will go through tough times, he still shows up in every single tough time. Whether it’s the four relapses I’ve had in the last three years from the same conditions where I should have been paralyzed, I should have not made it, he has shown up.

And same thing when my mental health got really bad, he just kept showing up.

I think my faith journey, as much as there’s been times where I have wanted to run away from God because I was just fed up or I was struggling, he never ran away from me.

And if anything, I kept having more and more moments where I could see him.

Even one of those was—I am very involved with Special Olympics—and I was having a really hard anxiety day. I was in Berlin, Germany for the World Games, and I was supposed to walk with the delegation as a global ambassador, one of the roles I was playing.

And I’m paralyzed with fear. Like, I am in the corner on the verge of a panic attack. My anxiety was so bad. I was so jet-lagged. And I’m like, “God, you gotta get me out of here. You gotta get me out. Where’s my escape route?”

And then all of a sudden this athlete came up to me, and he was like, “It’s the opening ceremonies. Are you so excited?”

And I was like, “No, I’m terrified. I am really scared right now. I’m really nervous.”

And he goes, “Well, that’s okay. I feel that way too sometimes, but I just tell myself I have to be brave.”

And I was like, “Well, I’m not feeling very brave right now.” And I was at a point where I couldn’t hide it.

And he looks down, he looks back up at me, and he smiles and he goes, “That’s okay. I’m feeling very brave right now. So come on, we’ll be brave together.”

And he grabbed my hand.

So it’s those moments—that’s just one of many examples—of just how God uses people, places, things in so many different ways to say, “Hey, I got you, and I’m with you.”

Even when it feels like it’s stormy, the rainbow appears or the sun pokes through.

I always say, I’m like, “God’s driving. I’m the passenger princess.” And that’s how I intend to live the rest of my life because he’s just continued to show up and show up in times where I didn’t understand it.

But you keep climbing, and when you get to the top, you really see that view that God has waiting for you.

Ellen Krause: Which is the title of your new book, The View Is Worth It, which I love that.

What would you just give—one final word of encouragement perhaps—to someone who’s listening, is hearing this, and maybe a light bulb is going off saying, “My goodness, I feel like this is what I’m experiencing”?

Victoria Arlen: Yes. I would say that the toughest climbs have the prettiest views.

And one of the big reasons why my book was called The View Is Worth It is because we are going to go through valleys. We are going to have peaks, and we’re going to fall down. But you’ve got to keep climbing, even when it’s uncomfortable.

And trust me, there’s been times where I didn’t want to climb anymore. But by pushing through, the purpose that transpired, the view that transpired, made it all worth it.

So for anyone that’s going through something, keep going.

If I’ve learned anything, that breakdown moment is almost the key that unlocks the breakthrough. You just have to get through that dark night before the sun comes.

And so if I can really try to summarize it, it’s this: the toughest climbs have the prettiest views, but you just have to keep climbing.

And it’s okay to get tired. It’s okay to have moments of doubt and question. Like, even Jesus himself found himself in the wilderness. Like, it’s okay.

You just gotta keep going.

Ellen Krause: Very good. I hope if you’re listening, you feel encouraged by that.

For our listeners, where can they go, Victoria, to learn more about you, your incredible story, and your book that’s just so well written? And it’s one of those—you can’t put it down because you’re invested now and you gotta keep reading. It’s called The View Is Worth It.

Victoria Arlen: They can get the book basically wherever books are sold, or they can go to my website, victoriaarlen.com. I have a whole resource page there as well for individuals who need some encouragement. So that’s where you can find the info on that.

Ellen Krause: Very good. Well, we will make sure we include those links in our show notes.

Before I let you go, I have to ask you our favorite questions here at Coffee and Bible Time. What is your go-to Bible, and what translation is it?

Victoria Arlen: I have a lot of parts marked up in my Bible, but I have one on page 95 of my book. It is Proverbs 3, verses 5 through 6.

And so it is: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight.”

And that was something I had on a sticky note for several years. And now I have it just in my mind, but it was one where it was, you know, it’s gonna be windy, but just trust him. He knows what he’s doing.

And there’s been plenty of times where I said, “Are you sure?” But he’s proven to me that he is superior in that.

And I think when you’re really struggling, knowing that it’s going to be okay is a big part of that. But that’s also knowing we have a God that can part the Red Seas. We have a God that speaks the universe into existence. He’s not gonna leave you or forsake you.

Ellen Krause: Absolutely. I love that. It’s a great verse.

Okay, next question. Do you have any favorite Bible journaling supplies? Do you like to journal?

Victoria Arlen: So I’m new to journaling. My therapist has been challenging me with that because I am too much of a perfectionist. I’m very type A. So I would think I would have to write this whole dissertation.

And she goes, “No, sometimes you just have to journal.”

So I now keep a notebook with me at all times. And right now I’m doing the things I’m grateful for, things I thank God for, just continuing to hold myself accountable to acknowledging those.

But those are kind of my tools: the sticky notes and bright-colored pens and just reminding myself of God’s goodness.

I have been challenging myself in the midst of a lot going on to always acknowledge all the things that God is doing and God has given me. And you wouldn’t believe, once you start writing them down, that list goes from one to a hundred really quickly.

Ellen Krause: Yes, I love that. So beautiful.

Okay, last question. What is your favorite app or website for Bible study tools?

Victoria Arlen: Ooh, I love the Bible app. I feel like the Bible app has been great for me to just have on my phone.

Or I love worship music, my Christian worship music. Honestly, sometimes Spotify will be my tool sometimes where I just put on a song or send a song to someone and just be able to say, “Hey, just have a listen. Have a dance party.”

A dance party a day keeps the doctor away. I’m convinced of it. With a little bit of Jesus, I think you’re putting yourself in a good position.

Ellen Krause: Absolutely.

Well, thank you so much for sharing those with us. Victoria, it has been just such a joy talking with you today.

I know it’s just been such an encouragement for people who are listening, thinking that maybe they can’t take one step forward.

But you have truly allowed God to work in your life and now are sharing the hard parts that will encourage people that they too can take that climb and find hope and peace in Christ himself.

So I just appreciate you so much for sharing your story.

Victoria Arlen: I appreciate you. Thank you. You have me at a loss for words, which doesn’t happen often.

So thank you for this space and for all that you do too, and just allowing us to have such a beautiful conversation. Thank you.

Ellen Krause: You are most welcome.

And for our listeners, if this conversation resonated with you, I would just love it if you would send it to someone to encourage someone else. If someone sent that to me, I would just be so incredibly grateful. So think about that. If God put someone on your heart, please do that.

And until next time, we’ll see you soon on the Coffee and Bible Time podcast. Have a blessed day.